Oh, tearfests...how I loathe thee.

Hokay so...(End of Ze World reference, for you You-Tubers)
I hate crying. I know, I do it all the time, but I hate it. It makes me hungry, tired (and paradoxically keeps me awake at night), and red-wrinkly-faced. Yuck.
So I was crying a lot yesterday afternoon. I don't start classes til tomorrow, and Ryan had the day off school, so we were hanging out after I got off work at lunchtime. We were having a pretty good time, until mid-afternoon or so. He told me I was never allowed to complain about having my period to him. Or use it as an excuse to be angry. I'm sorry, but it's a valid excuse. If you're a guy, you wouldn't know that. If you're a girl, you would. I feel like being a bitch then, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. So get over it, please, male world. Plus, I don't want to be controlled like that. I will not.
After that, one thing led to another. We were both halfway-joking, but really we were both getting upset. So then...I don't even know what happened. But I started crying. Of course. And he got upset about the fact that I was crying, but I can't help it! I do that!
And then I really don't remember what all we even discussed. Me not liking to talk because I'm not good at the whole verbal thing, me being too serious, him being too carefree, him being male and not understanding why I get upset about things. I say "discussed" because that's what we did. We didn't argue, we discussed. But it ended with many tears shed on my part, and finally a few clutching hugs and me saying that was all I needed the whole time. That's all I ever need. A hug and reassurance that it's okay that I'm not perfect. I want everything to be perfect; I want him to be happy because I'm perfect for him, which will in turn make me happy. Sometimes I forget that that's not possible. All I need is to be reminded by the warmth and strength of his arms around me.
There...that's why I cried, and why I was up til something like 1 in the morning because I couldn't fall asleep due to my swollen, tired eyes.




I hate crying.