Tell Me...

My heart bursts
daily with love for you,
so much that I can feel it
swelling inside me,
yearning to escape, and
be yours forever.
But is it the same with you?
I fear the opposite,
that you grow weary of me,
that I love too much,
and you not enough.
Tell me I'm wrong.
Tell me I'm yours.
Tell me I'm more than you ever hoped for,
like you used to do.

Tolerance Is a Wonderful Thing

I can't stand it anymore...the intolerance on this floor is INSANE. Insane in the membrane, as Michelle said earlier this morning. I CANNOT STAND IT. lflsjfosowfvhfldskcldsknjvihvfesvf. damn it.
I hate people who "know" they're right about everything, because usually they're not.
I hate people who can't accept a small difference in another person.
I hate people who think that being different is being weird.
I HATE people who think there's a problem with someone being gay.
So one of your friends from high school has a subscription to some magazine...so you figured out he's gay...don't sit there surrounded by people who have views that are radically different from yours and wait for them to be...idk, upset or something.
You: "Yeah, he's gay."
Another person: "...Not that there's anything wrong with that."
You: "Woah...yes, there is." FUCKING ASSHOLE.
I actually kind of hope you're reading this, just so you know what an ignorant JERK you are. What are you so afraid of, anyway? I have some great friends who are gay. What makes them worth less than you, O Hallowed One? In case you haven't heard, there's this kinda famous document that says "all men (and women really) are created equal."

Funny how everything connects, isn't it? In my World Lit class right now, we're reading Candide, to which the Declaration of Independence is directly related. Look at the last line of the main paragraph: "To prove this, let Facts be submitted to the CANDID world." That's a direct tribute to Monsieur Voltaire, thank you very much.

And to someone else: DON'T EVEN go around saying how teacher's unions are worthless and pointless and how you don't see why you should have to pay dues to belong to something so pointless. ASSHOLE. My mom works for the Nebraska State Education Association. It's her job, and you don't even have any idea how many teachers have to get help from her because students are DUMB and try to get their teachers in trouble. GET OVER YOURSELF. You don't know anything.

Okay, there's my rant and rave. Thanks for reading.

Oh, Beowulf...You Slay Me

So I should be reading Beowulf right now...but I am not. Haha...
And I should be reading Candide right now too...but I am not. Haha...
I should also be studying Chemistry right now too...but again...I am not. HAHAHA...
Instead, I am sitting in Shannon's room, listening to great music and typing here, contemplating life and why I bother with it. I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, why I try so hard. I just want to be a normal person...but then I realize that I don't know what normal is.
I honestly think that there is no such thing as a "normal" person. Every one of us is strange in some way. So why do I have to try to be normal? Can't I just be me without being judged? WHO CARES? Besides, it's not people who are judging me in the end.


It's the one who made me this way.

Life in general? No, just today.

Wow...amazing how a few days can feel like a few weeks. It seems like forever since I've posted! I've been working quite a bit lately on developing my storyline, but it doesn't really seem to be developing. I know it's going to take quite a bit more time...it's just frustrating that I myself don't even know exactly where the story is going. But it will work itself out eventually.

Other than that, I have been socializing and not doing homework all weekend. I saved my Philosophy reading until last night to do, but it wasn't even too bad. Actually, I sort of enjoyed reading it. Plato's dialogues tend to be entertaining. I even read ahead! But that was all the homework I did for the weekend. We had a visitor by the name of Rosey, who I must admit was pretty dang awesome. I did the chauffeuring for Shannon and her lovely cousin, and very much enjoyed hanging out with them. Salvation Army is a wonderful store, even though I didn't find any nifty retro clothing. But I did get a fantastic heart-shaped pan for 99 cents, in which I shall make Ryan some brownies for V-day! And then we watched a few movies, including Borat, Ocean's Eleven, and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Great times.






I feel like thinking a bunch about life, but I don't know where to begin.

It Has Begun!

Alrighty then...I've started a new blog dedicated strictly to my novel. It's here. Please follow it and invite anyone else you know to follow it too!

So I'm actually going to do it this time...

In the past year and a half or so, I have come to realize that my dream is to become a writer. It's my ultimate goal to eventually publish a book, whether it be a novel or collection of poetry or anything else. Writing is my passion, and I've decided I want to do that.
I started writing a novel last year about what I wished my life could have been...and it was terrible. Absolutely horrific. I had no idea where it was going, so I stopped writing it. It was like it wasn't me writing after a while; the inspiration somehow escaped from me. So no, you will never see that story ever show up anywhere...honestly it's such a boring and predictable teen-love story that you wouldn't want to read it anyway.
Instead, I've been inspired anew. In the past couple weeks, I've been thinking about it a lot, trying to develop it more in my head. So I'm going to start working on it soon here...first I'll work on it a little bit at a time just on Word, but I think what I'm going to do is either start posting it on here or create a new blog which YOU SHOULD FOLLOW!!!! Please. So yeah...let me know what you think...good night!

Change Can Be Good Sometimes...

So I've been thinking lately...maybe change is one of the best things for us. Right now, everything feels like it's changing. New president today (woot woot for Obama!), new classes, new music preferences, new friends randomly turning their backs, completely new friends even (woot woot for Katie!). And right now, it all feels like that's how it should be. College is a time for growth, maturity, and CHANGE. And that's what I'm doing. I love the way my life has become, everything in it making me who I am supposed to be. Honestly, I don't really know who that person is, but I'm getting there and growing to love her, which is a difficult thing to do.


I used to think that all change was bad for us, bad for our souls...but not anymore. Even with breakups (no, don't worry, that doesn't have to do with me and Ryan), I really think that they're usually best for the person who got hurt the most. They find themselves in them, and they realize that the person who hurt them obviously wasn't the one they were destined to love forever. Be a cynic if you want, say that I'm wrong and that a lot of the time people who were destined for each other break up and regret it forever. But that's not how I feel, and you're not going to ruin my lovely optimism. :)

What Do I Do?

Okay, time for a new poem. This one applies to two of my best friends...you probably know who you are...so I wrote this for you. It was a while ago, but it's still true.

What do you do
when you have no idea what's supposed to be done?
What do you say
when you have no clue what's supposed to be said?
How do you comfort someone,
one of your best friends in the world,
when you don't know where to begin?
Nothing's going to cut it.
Everything you say is going to roll off her back,
and it won't make a difference.
Because you know that if you were in her shoes,
there would be nothing to make you feel better
except the one who made you feel this way in the first place.

Oh, tearfests...how I loathe thee.

Hokay so...(End of Ze World reference, for you You-Tubers)
I hate crying. I know, I do it all the time, but I hate it. It makes me hungry, tired (and paradoxically keeps me awake at night), and red-wrinkly-faced. Yuck.
So I was crying a lot yesterday afternoon. I don't start classes til tomorrow, and Ryan had the day off school, so we were hanging out after I got off work at lunchtime. We were having a pretty good time, until mid-afternoon or so. He told me I was never allowed to complain about having my period to him. Or use it as an excuse to be angry. I'm sorry, but it's a valid excuse. If you're a guy, you wouldn't know that. If you're a girl, you would. I feel like being a bitch then, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. So get over it, please, male world. Plus, I don't want to be controlled like that. I will not.
After that, one thing led to another. We were both halfway-joking, but really we were both getting upset. So then...I don't even know what happened. But I started crying. Of course. And he got upset about the fact that I was crying, but I can't help it! I do that!
And then I really don't remember what all we even discussed. Me not liking to talk because I'm not good at the whole verbal thing, me being too serious, him being too carefree, him being male and not understanding why I get upset about things. I say "discussed" because that's what we did. We didn't argue, we discussed. But it ended with many tears shed on my part, and finally a few clutching hugs and me saying that was all I needed the whole time. That's all I ever need. A hug and reassurance that it's okay that I'm not perfect. I want everything to be perfect; I want him to be happy because I'm perfect for him, which will in turn make me happy. Sometimes I forget that that's not possible. All I need is to be reminded by the warmth and strength of his arms around me.
There...that's why I cried, and why I was up til something like 1 in the morning because I couldn't fall asleep due to my swollen, tired eyes.




I hate crying.

School-home

So I'm home...school-home, that is. Funny how this feels like home to me after a few months. Funny how we call the place where we grew up home, even though we don't live there anymore. Funny how it seems as though we have two homes, and miss each as much as the other when we're away from it.
I'm glad to be back. I love this place...the way I can see the rest of the city perfectly from my window, sparkling at night and shining in the afternoon sun, the cars never ending on the freeway below me, even those times when I should be in bed but just can't sleep. It feels right living here. Like I was meant to be here, meant to know these people I love. Like I was destined to find myself here.
Thank you, Omaha, for being you.

I'll tell you later about the tear-filled afternoon I had yesterday.

The Curious Case of Ali G.

Hahaha...I just went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" for the second time. I first saw it out in Baltimore with my padres, my aunt, and my almost-12-year-old twin cousins over Christmas. I cried a TON when I saw it then, and I cried about as much when I saw it again tonight with my boyfriend, Ryan. It's such a wonderful movie. :)
So why did I cry so much? Well, I'm a chronic crier, as most of the people who know me are aware. I cry all the time. When I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm stressed, when I'm overwhelmed, when I'm frustrated, when I'm remembering, when I'm anything. I cry a lot. But this movie made me cry mostly because it made me think of my grandma, who passed away on the second day of March 2008. She spent the last few months of her life in the hospital and nursing home, and although I got the chance to say goodbye to her, it was extremely tough on me. I was really close to her, and I talked to her on the phone at least once or twice a month. I miss hearing her voice...
Besides the old woman in the hospital part, the movie reminded me of my grandma because of the hummingbirds. One of the things I'll always remember about her was her beloved hummingbirds. She had a feeder hanging outside her front window filled with red sugar-water, and there were always hummingbirds there in the spring and summer. I miss my grandma...

My favorite line from the movie: "It's a funny thing about coming home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You realize what's changed is you." GREAT line. Love it. So true. I don't know what it is...it's just different, home is. Like it's not really home. It's not my only home anymore. I have another one (and another family) at school. And I don't know...something about my actual home is just not the same. And I guess it's me.


I went to see this wonderfully sad movie with my wonderfully fantastic boyfriend. We've been dating since last May, and I love him with all my heart. We're a delightfully awkward couple: me a bit taller than him, him with hair a foot longer than mine, and general social awkwardness on both our parts. Plus, we're both major nerds. I like us. :) Sometimes we can be really different (I happen to be MUCH more social than he is, and we have some different views on things that may or may not be important in life), and it can get frustrating. But I will never stop loving him. Promise.

Okay, so I'm really tired and have to get up at 7 tomorrow to work for one last morning...ugh. I go back Tuesday, and we start second semester Wednesday...fun fun. Only half of my freshman year left.

Loves! Ali G.

Explanation of Ignorance Was Bliss

Hokay, well I wrote that in November one day while sitting in my room at Creighton. (I go there, just so you know.) I should have been doing my homework, but I get easily distracted by the glaring sun that shines right into my eyes at around 3:30 in the afternoon. I tend to get depressed really easily around then, too...idk why. But that's the mood I was in that afternoon, so I wrote this.

I believe interpretation of poetry is a bit useless. Each reader sees it differently, so the only point of interpreting it (like in classes) is to see what other people think about it. There is no "correct" interpretation...I think everyone finds a way to connect it to themselves, so obviously that connection is going to vary from person to person. It's like snowflakes: no 2 connections are the same. For me, it was about coming to college. I felt removed from the rest of the world, like I was in some kind of time warp and nothing else in the world was really happening. I don't even have a tv in my room, so i can't watch the news or anything. I don't know that I would even want to watch the news, but still. So nothing seemed real to me. Then 2 of my close friends, Eric and Michelle, were forced to deal with some serious things that happened to people who were really close to them. That's where the second half of the poem comes in...dealing with the crap that makes life suck, but finding your way back to the real world through it. So yeah. I'd love to know what anyone else thinks. Thanks...
Ali G.

Ignorance Was Bliss

So. My first poem on here. My favorite, I think...

Lose yourself in the structure.
The real world is gone,
Separate from your microcosm.
Fall into the cycle
Day by day, week by week.
Time flies and drags paradoxically.
All's monotony.
Until the real world hits you
Like the proverbial brick wall.
Then nothing's the same.
Pull yourself from the wreckage,
Try to keep from suffocating
Under the blanket pulled over your eyes.
Fight to survive.
Broken, but alive.

Umm...

Hey! So yeah...I'm new at this...but I feel like I have a lot to say, and I thought this would be a great way to say it. It may not be really important at times, but I still need to say it. So bear with me, and thanks for reading. I'll put some of my poetry on here later.