I've been avoiding this.
I don't know how to explain everything that's happened in the last 3 months.
Most of you know already, so I guess I'm just going to skip over most of it.
Basically, I am not the same person I was just a few months ago. I have no idea where my life is headed. I don't even know what the next 3 months have in store for me. I have never been so emotionally stable in my life. I don't even have enough money in my checking account to pay rent this month (thankfully I do in my savings, though). I'm taking a year off from school - or at least I think that's the plan. I'm not currently registered for any classes. That could change. Who knows?
The strangest part of all this is that I am completely okay. I feel like things are just washing over me, like everything is actually going to work out in my favor at some point.
Like I said, emotionally stable.
Approximately a week and a half ago, I was actually able to flip a switch and completely turn off my feelings for someone for the first time ever. I've never understood how people go from intense attraction to "just friends" so easily, but I'm finding out how it is to have a normal range of emotions. I'm beginning to be more reasonable, to be able to isolate myself from a situation and know that things are not my fault.
It is the strangest feeling.
And even with the stability, I'm still able to express my emotions fully. I am sad when I should be, I am (usually) happy when I should be, I am angry when I should be. It's when I lose the control I have over those emotions that the depression starts creeping in, but that happens so much less now.
So, to wrap up this update, I'm starting a new job this week, trying to determine plans for a weekend trip to Minnesota, being artsy when I feel like it, working out consistently, figuring out my insulin pump, and allowing myself to feel attractive/recognize that people actually are attracted to me. I am starting to be the best me, and it feels so good.
P.S. - Looking over the past few weeks' Post Secrets, I just can't help but wonder if people have secrets that involve me and who/what they are. Secrets are so fascinating to me. I can't even decide what mine would be.
