It started off this morning with that song. Watching some countdown on CMT, top 40 songs of the decade or something? Nothing better to watch, so resorting to that after half an hour of flipping through channels. Watching parts of the video, interviews with people who know their country music.
Tears are flowing out of my eyes as my mom walks in the door, so I turn and hide them, busy myself by putting away the laundry I just folded. They're gone as quickly as they came, and I try to forget them.
Mom says I need to call Dr. MacCashland to get my biopsy results. I hold it together through the phone call, thinking maybe they won't return. As I walk away from the kitchen, though, there's no stopping them.
Strolling through Walmart to get groceries, they nearly make a return. I realize how lonely I am without someone to hold me, tell me I'm still normal, walk me through the aisles to find everything I can still eat.
Then I finish Mockingjay tonight. Damn, that book is tough to get through. The last chapter and the epilogue tear me apart, rip me to shreds, and I'm blinded again. Forcing myself to inhale deeply and push the saltwater back down.
So many tears today.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Take my hand, we'll hide in the corner
Dear nonexistent readers,
Well, I've been sedated, had a tube stuck down my throat into my small intestine, had bits of my small intestine removed to be looked at, and spent the entire day on the couch. All I did was read, eat cold foods that didn't require chewing, and sleep. Man, I slept a lot.
I'm feeling great today. I've had a headache for a while, but it's less noticeable today than it was last night. My guess is that it's from the lack of caffeine I had yesterday - it was the first day in a very, very long time that I didn't consume ANY caffeine at all. CRAZINESS.
Right now I'm at Panera in La Vista, NE (part of Omaha) sitting in the back corner booth while my mom is having a small lunch meeting for work. Glad I brought my computer. :) I also brought Pride and Prejudice (♥) and the second book of the Hunger Games series, Catching Fire.
I started The Hunger Games on Christmas Day and finished it yesterday. We got it for my cousin Liam, but he was playing with his new basketball and I felt like taking a look at it. Katherine's addicted to the series, so I figured I should give it a try since I seem to like what she likes.
Well, I ended up not being able to put it down. I was craving it all evening, as well as the next day. So my mom agreed to buy me a copy to read while I was stuck on the couch all day yesterday. Thank goodness! We couldn't find Catching Fire anywhere, but then we stopped at WalMart today and got one. :) Once I finish them, we're going to send Catching Fire and Mockingjay (the third book) to my cousins Meghan and Caitlin for their birthday in February. Yay!
So, I guess that's all for now. You can hardly even see the mark from where they put the IV in my arm yesterday, and my throat doesn't even hurt anymore. It just feels a little more open than usual. Interesting.
Oh, we went to see "How Do You Know" on Sunday with Aunt Sara, Grandma, and Olivia (Liam's little sister). I wouldn't recommend it. It's cute enough at the end, but the story just kind of drags on. Mmmkay, bye!
Well, I've been sedated, had a tube stuck down my throat into my small intestine, had bits of my small intestine removed to be looked at, and spent the entire day on the couch. All I did was read, eat cold foods that didn't require chewing, and sleep. Man, I slept a lot.
I'm feeling great today. I've had a headache for a while, but it's less noticeable today than it was last night. My guess is that it's from the lack of caffeine I had yesterday - it was the first day in a very, very long time that I didn't consume ANY caffeine at all. CRAZINESS.
Right now I'm at Panera in La Vista, NE (part of Omaha) sitting in the back corner booth while my mom is having a small lunch meeting for work. Glad I brought my computer. :) I also brought Pride and Prejudice (♥) and the second book of the Hunger Games series, Catching Fire.
I started The Hunger Games on Christmas Day and finished it yesterday. We got it for my cousin Liam, but he was playing with his new basketball and I felt like taking a look at it. Katherine's addicted to the series, so I figured I should give it a try since I seem to like what she likes.
Well, I ended up not being able to put it down. I was craving it all evening, as well as the next day. So my mom agreed to buy me a copy to read while I was stuck on the couch all day yesterday. Thank goodness! We couldn't find Catching Fire anywhere, but then we stopped at WalMart today and got one. :) Once I finish them, we're going to send Catching Fire and Mockingjay (the third book) to my cousins Meghan and Caitlin for their birthday in February. Yay!
So, I guess that's all for now. You can hardly even see the mark from where they put the IV in my arm yesterday, and my throat doesn't even hurt anymore. It just feels a little more open than usual. Interesting.
Oh, we went to see "How Do You Know" on Sunday with Aunt Sara, Grandma, and Olivia (Liam's little sister). I wouldn't recommend it. It's cute enough at the end, but the story just kind of drags on. Mmmkay, bye!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
A merry little Christmas ♥
Well, my 22nd Christmas has passed. It was the same as always, wonderful and filled with family, fun, laughs, and love.
Sadly, I don't have pictures for you. I didn't take any this year because Aunt Chris was taking them with her wonderful Canon EOS 60D, to which my little blue PowerShot does not compare. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my little camera. I just want an SLR soooooo badly. But once she emails pictures out, and then once my mother forwards them to me, I will post them.
I love my family so much. ♥ We're all a little weird, and we all have our issues. Before Christmas, I was a little down in the dumps (as if you couldn't tell from my recent posts, not that anyone even reads this...). But then I was surrounded by family and happiness, and it's hard to be self-pitying anymore. At least right now. I am SO incredibly blessed. I'm not trying to say my family is perfect - far from it, let me tell you. But there's so much love there that it covers the mistakes made.
I hope your Christmas was just as blessed.
Oh, also...I have finally talked to my parents about the possibility of looking into an insulin pump. Yay! (It's a little sad, is it not, that I'm so excited about this. But I am!)
Sadly, I don't have pictures for you. I didn't take any this year because Aunt Chris was taking them with her wonderful Canon EOS 60D, to which my little blue PowerShot does not compare. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my little camera. I just want an SLR soooooo badly. But once she emails pictures out, and then once my mother forwards them to me, I will post them.
I love my family so much. ♥ We're all a little weird, and we all have our issues. Before Christmas, I was a little down in the dumps (as if you couldn't tell from my recent posts, not that anyone even reads this...). But then I was surrounded by family and happiness, and it's hard to be self-pitying anymore. At least right now. I am SO incredibly blessed. I'm not trying to say my family is perfect - far from it, let me tell you. But there's so much love there that it covers the mistakes made.
I hope your Christmas was just as blessed.
Oh, also...I have finally talked to my parents about the possibility of looking into an insulin pump. Yay! (It's a little sad, is it not, that I'm so excited about this. But I am!)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sick and tired
I'm sick and tired.
I'm sick because I have been since I was 8, and now there's more wrong with me.
I pray for one disease over another, because one can be fixed.
I already have one that will last forever and a deficiency that goes along with it, and I don't want to add another one.
Fuck, I don't want to add another disease at all, but I have to pray and hope and wish that I have the one that will make less of an impact on my life.
Another pill? Sure, that's fine. I can deal with taking pills for the rest of my life. I already do that.
Changing my eating habits? I'm not so okay with that.
I want to be less different, and now I'm even more so.
I talk about my diseased state all the time. I tell you it's my favorite thing to talk about, which isn't really the truth. It's just the subject I know most about and which you don't know much about, so I can talk a lot. I like talking.
What I hate, though, is being diseased. I will never not be sick. And you know what? That sucks.
I fucking hate being diabetic. I hate having hypothyroidism. I hate the possibility of having Celiac. I hate it, hate it, hate it.
I'm tired, and going to bed but not to sleep because I can't fall asleep thinking about how sick I am.
I'm sick and tired of being sick.
I'm sick because I have been since I was 8, and now there's more wrong with me.
I pray for one disease over another, because one can be fixed.
I already have one that will last forever and a deficiency that goes along with it, and I don't want to add another one.
Fuck, I don't want to add another disease at all, but I have to pray and hope and wish that I have the one that will make less of an impact on my life.
Another pill? Sure, that's fine. I can deal with taking pills for the rest of my life. I already do that.
Changing my eating habits? I'm not so okay with that.
I want to be less different, and now I'm even more so.
I talk about my diseased state all the time. I tell you it's my favorite thing to talk about, which isn't really the truth. It's just the subject I know most about and which you don't know much about, so I can talk a lot. I like talking.
What I hate, though, is being diseased. I will never not be sick. And you know what? That sucks.
I fucking hate being diabetic. I hate having hypothyroidism. I hate the possibility of having Celiac. I hate it, hate it, hate it.
I'm tired, and going to bed but not to sleep because I can't fall asleep thinking about how sick I am.
I'm sick and tired of being sick.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I'll be doing alright with my Christmas of white
I hope you'll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas.
This is my first Christmas in three years without you. Well, without you in my life. Last year I didn't want you there because you ruined it the year before, and I was planning to break up with you a couple weeks later anyway. But we were still together. Sometimes I forget that I was still your girlfriend only a year ago. Then I realize that in a few weeks (two and a half from today), I will have been single for a full year.
Sometimes, I wish I was still there. Sitting on your ugly 80's couch, holding hands and watching the History Channel, House, or NCIS. Smelling the Garnier Fructis spray in your hair, the warm smell of your shoulder as it supported my head. (I almost typed heart instead of head...) Now the scent of my hair mousse doesn't remind me of you, I can watch NCIS and House without thinking of you (until a few hours later), and I lean on a bunch of other people's shoulders for support, both with my head and my heart.
Sometimes, I forget your phone number. Then suddenly the mess of numbers clears up, and there it is. Even though I deleted it from my phone, I can still remember it. I was really happy the first time I couldn't do that, though. Hopefully that will keep happening.
This is the second letter I've written to you now...the other one is still hiding where I left it this summer, sloppy handwriting from a ballpoint pen on plain computer paper. Six pages, I think? This one's in typing (my favorite font, which you would probably be neutral about). I remember our shared hatred of Comic Sans, which apparently we share with a TON of people - including the new girl who I suspect is a little into you, but I'll never know if my hunch is true. Did you know her cousin is in the Honors Program at Creighton? So weird, how things like that happen.
Anyway...I saw Chris (the "dog," as you always called her - asshole) tonight. She was at Wendy's with a couple girls I didn't recognize, and she was holding a baby. Maybe it was hers? I haven't creeped enough to find out yet. But I thought you might think that was entertaining. Because you always were the type to make fun of people worse off than you, especially Chris. I felt kind of bad for her, even though she was kind of a crazy bitch. She was nice enough to me while I was with you.
You would think it was stupid, but I'm reading Pride and Prejudice and listening to Christmas music on the radio. The song about meeting an old lover in the grocery store just came on - apparently it's called Same Old Lang Syne. They're both making me think of you. I'm partly wishing that could be us one day...but in all honesty, I probably won't see you ever again. Blue Christmas makes me think of you too, because I really truly hope that's how you feel. It sounds terrible, but I want you to realize how much you lost when you let me walk out your door on January 7th.
I remember I was wearing my grey skinny jeans, forest green henley, and brown boots. We went to Applebee's (like always), and you were in a particularly silly mood. You spelled out "MOO" with the straw wrappers while I was in the bathroom. I was texting Corinne the entire night, saying I couldn't do it, and she kept telling me I had to. We went back to your house after renting The Hangover from Hastings. After watching it, we saw the end of an episode of House and I started crying. We talked for what seemed like hours, but it probably only took about one. You cried, and I remember you pushing my hand away because I was hanging on too long. When there was finally nothing left to say, I went home. Before I left, I kissed your cheek, and you kissed my forehead. I watched your face crumple as I walked out the door, and I don't remember the drive home. I cried for days after that.
So yeah. Nights like tonight, they make me miss being with you. Not you, necessarily, but being with you. So I guess they make me miss being with anyone, and you're the only one with whom I have any experience of that. So then it feels like I miss you. But maybe I just miss being wanted, maybe I feel guilty. I can't tell you any of this, because that would be like admitting defeat. I don't regret it, but I am sorry for hurting you. You'll never admit that I did, but I know it's true. I saw your face.
I don't think Angiee or Sherri would still love me so much if they didn't think I was good for you. But I wasn't good enough - I couldn't inspire you to come to God, and you took me away from him. Maybe someday you'll find a girl who can do that. I secretly hope you don't and that you pine for me until you die because I'm the one that got away. Because you let me walk out the door, and all the while I was hoping you'd run out and stop me before I drove away, or that you'd call and beg me to change my mind. You never did, though, so I'm left in the dark praying that's how you still feel, and hoping that you'll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas.
This is my first Christmas in three years without you. Well, without you in my life. Last year I didn't want you there because you ruined it the year before, and I was planning to break up with you a couple weeks later anyway. But we were still together. Sometimes I forget that I was still your girlfriend only a year ago. Then I realize that in a few weeks (two and a half from today), I will have been single for a full year.
Sometimes, I wish I was still there. Sitting on your ugly 80's couch, holding hands and watching the History Channel, House, or NCIS. Smelling the Garnier Fructis spray in your hair, the warm smell of your shoulder as it supported my head. (I almost typed heart instead of head...) Now the scent of my hair mousse doesn't remind me of you, I can watch NCIS and House without thinking of you (until a few hours later), and I lean on a bunch of other people's shoulders for support, both with my head and my heart.
Sometimes, I forget your phone number. Then suddenly the mess of numbers clears up, and there it is. Even though I deleted it from my phone, I can still remember it. I was really happy the first time I couldn't do that, though. Hopefully that will keep happening.
This is the second letter I've written to you now...the other one is still hiding where I left it this summer, sloppy handwriting from a ballpoint pen on plain computer paper. Six pages, I think? This one's in typing (my favorite font, which you would probably be neutral about). I remember our shared hatred of Comic Sans, which apparently we share with a TON of people - including the new girl who I suspect is a little into you, but I'll never know if my hunch is true. Did you know her cousin is in the Honors Program at Creighton? So weird, how things like that happen.
Anyway...I saw Chris (the "dog," as you always called her - asshole) tonight. She was at Wendy's with a couple girls I didn't recognize, and she was holding a baby. Maybe it was hers? I haven't creeped enough to find out yet. But I thought you might think that was entertaining. Because you always were the type to make fun of people worse off than you, especially Chris. I felt kind of bad for her, even though she was kind of a crazy bitch. She was nice enough to me while I was with you.
You would think it was stupid, but I'm reading Pride and Prejudice and listening to Christmas music on the radio. The song about meeting an old lover in the grocery store just came on - apparently it's called Same Old Lang Syne. They're both making me think of you. I'm partly wishing that could be us one day...but in all honesty, I probably won't see you ever again. Blue Christmas makes me think of you too, because I really truly hope that's how you feel. It sounds terrible, but I want you to realize how much you lost when you let me walk out your door on January 7th.
I remember I was wearing my grey skinny jeans, forest green henley, and brown boots. We went to Applebee's (like always), and you were in a particularly silly mood. You spelled out "MOO" with the straw wrappers while I was in the bathroom. I was texting Corinne the entire night, saying I couldn't do it, and she kept telling me I had to. We went back to your house after renting The Hangover from Hastings. After watching it, we saw the end of an episode of House and I started crying. We talked for what seemed like hours, but it probably only took about one. You cried, and I remember you pushing my hand away because I was hanging on too long. When there was finally nothing left to say, I went home. Before I left, I kissed your cheek, and you kissed my forehead. I watched your face crumple as I walked out the door, and I don't remember the drive home. I cried for days after that.
So yeah. Nights like tonight, they make me miss being with you. Not you, necessarily, but being with you. So I guess they make me miss being with anyone, and you're the only one with whom I have any experience of that. So then it feels like I miss you. But maybe I just miss being wanted, maybe I feel guilty. I can't tell you any of this, because that would be like admitting defeat. I don't regret it, but I am sorry for hurting you. You'll never admit that I did, but I know it's true. I saw your face.
I don't think Angiee or Sherri would still love me so much if they didn't think I was good for you. But I wasn't good enough - I couldn't inspire you to come to God, and you took me away from him. Maybe someday you'll find a girl who can do that. I secretly hope you don't and that you pine for me until you die because I'm the one that got away. Because you let me walk out the door, and all the while I was hoping you'd run out and stop me before I drove away, or that you'd call and beg me to change my mind. You never did, though, so I'm left in the dark praying that's how you still feel, and hoping that you'll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Look at this photograph
There are soooo many pictures from yesterday. I think we took 86 during our Rachel-Laura-Corinne-Ali photo shoot, and we took a bunch at the traditional Madi-Jayme-Marissa-Katie-Ali-and-respective-mothers cookie baking event (without Katie, who is visiting PT schools up north). I don't think I can even pick the best ones. You'll have to check my Facebook to see them all!
Madi, Jayme, Marissa, and Ali
Laura, Corinne, Rachel, and Ali
These last two really truly represent our friendship. Goodness gracious, I love us.
Madi, Jayme, Marissa, and Ali
Laura, Corinne, Rachel, and Ali
These last two really truly represent our friendship. Goodness gracious, I love us.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I'll be home for Christmas
The worst finals week in the history of my life is finally over, and I am home. Thank the Lord.
I love Creighton and all of my amazing friends there, don't get me wrong. It's just wonderful coming home after a looooong week of stress and hassle.
I saw my baby cousin Cale today. :) That's me holding him this summer when I met him for the first time. He is SUCH a happy baby! Oh my goodness, I just love him so much! He's actually my cousin Ann Marie's son, so he's...my second cousin? First cousin once removed? I'm not sure. It's easier to call him my cousin.
Tomorrow, I shall see my BESTIESSSSS. I am so freaking excited. Rachel, Laura, and Corinne. Love love love. We're going to take the pictures we planned to take this summer, but now it's winter. We'll be taking them at Corinne's house, May Museum, downtown Fremont, and wherever else we feel like it. It's going to be a blast! Rachel's sister Megan (aka my sister Megan) shall be our photographer. To give you a preview, here's the epitome of my friendship with Rachel in photographic form:
Bahahahahaha. That was a fun night. Now you know all that you need to know about my best (home) friend and myself. :)
Also, I'll be baking cookies with friends Madi and Jayme, as well as their moms (Cozy and Diane, respectively) and my own mom and possibly Katie's mom Jodi. Katie unfortunately can't come, and neither can Marissa or her mom Marsha. Sad day. :( But it'll still be fun!
I'm exhausted. I got 3 hours of sleep last night, all thanks to Patrick. Pssssh. But in all honesty, it was totally worth it. What a great conversation.
Also, I had one heck of a morning. Between finishing room checks, packing my stuff, and checking out myself, it was extremely chaotic. I forgot a few things, but nothing I can't live without.
All is well on the home front. We got home from Uncle Mike and Aunt Sue's (where I saw Cale today) at 4:30ish? Maybe? Then the mama and I got groceries and Runza for dinner while Dad went to the warehouse to work on his car, or do whatever he does there. Then we came home and I took a bath in my itty-bitty bathtub, fell asleep for a few minutes after reading two chapters of Pride and Prejudice (which I'm re-reading over break). Since then, I've just been lying in bed typing this, texting Rachel and Corinne, and Skype chatting with Chris, who's leaving the Denver airport soon to finally fly home.
It's been a beautiful night, and I shall talk to you soon. But for now, sleep is calling me. ♥
I love Creighton and all of my amazing friends there, don't get me wrong. It's just wonderful coming home after a looooong week of stress and hassle.
I saw my baby cousin Cale today. :) That's me holding him this summer when I met him for the first time. He is SUCH a happy baby! Oh my goodness, I just love him so much! He's actually my cousin Ann Marie's son, so he's...my second cousin? First cousin once removed? I'm not sure. It's easier to call him my cousin.Tomorrow, I shall see my BESTIESSSSS. I am so freaking excited. Rachel, Laura, and Corinne. Love love love. We're going to take the pictures we planned to take this summer, but now it's winter. We'll be taking them at Corinne's house, May Museum, downtown Fremont, and wherever else we feel like it. It's going to be a blast! Rachel's sister Megan (aka my sister Megan) shall be our photographer. To give you a preview, here's the epitome of my friendship with Rachel in photographic form:
Bahahahahaha. That was a fun night. Now you know all that you need to know about my best (home) friend and myself. :)
Also, I'll be baking cookies with friends Madi and Jayme, as well as their moms (Cozy and Diane, respectively) and my own mom and possibly Katie's mom Jodi. Katie unfortunately can't come, and neither can Marissa or her mom Marsha. Sad day. :( But it'll still be fun!
I'm exhausted. I got 3 hours of sleep last night, all thanks to Patrick. Pssssh. But in all honesty, it was totally worth it. What a great conversation.
Also, I had one heck of a morning. Between finishing room checks, packing my stuff, and checking out myself, it was extremely chaotic. I forgot a few things, but nothing I can't live without.
All is well on the home front. We got home from Uncle Mike and Aunt Sue's (where I saw Cale today) at 4:30ish? Maybe? Then the mama and I got groceries and Runza for dinner while Dad went to the warehouse to work on his car, or do whatever he does there. Then we came home and I took a bath in my itty-bitty bathtub, fell asleep for a few minutes after reading two chapters of Pride and Prejudice (which I'm re-reading over break). Since then, I've just been lying in bed typing this, texting Rachel and Corinne, and Skype chatting with Chris, who's leaving the Denver airport soon to finally fly home.
It's been a beautiful night, and I shall talk to you soon. But for now, sleep is calling me. ♥
Monday, December 13, 2010
Gone crazy - back in a few
Days, that is.
I have 6 tests in the next 5 days. One every day, with 2 on Friday. Gahhhh.
At least they're all at 1:00pm, except for one at 8:00am on Friday.
Schedule:
-Monday - Pharmaceutics
-Tuesday - Communications
-Wednesday - Biochemistry
-Thursday - Calculations
-Friday - Health Systems & Patient Safety, Top 100 Drugs
By "Top 100 Drugs," I mean that I have to have 100 drugs memorized. This includes all brand names, generic names, and pharmacologic classes. Woot!
But Friday at 3:00pm, I will be done. I will have survived my first semester of pharmacy school, managing to get all A's and B's. My GPA might take a slight hit with the potential 3 B's, but I know for a fact that I'm going to get an A in Communications, and in HSPS too (if I miss less than 9 on the final). B's are possible/likely for Pharmaceutics, Biochemistry, and Calculations. I'll be okay this semester, but I really need to be a better student next semester if I'm going to keep my Presidential Scholarship for next year. I need that thing, and I have to have at least a 3.3 cumulative GPA to maintain it. I mean, it is 3/4 of my tuition.
Good thing I'm saving thousands of dollars by being an RA.
I have 6 tests in the next 5 days. One every day, with 2 on Friday. Gahhhh.
At least they're all at 1:00pm, except for one at 8:00am on Friday.
Schedule:
-Monday - Pharmaceutics
-Tuesday - Communications
-Wednesday - Biochemistry
-Thursday - Calculations
-Friday - Health Systems & Patient Safety, Top 100 Drugs
By "Top 100 Drugs," I mean that I have to have 100 drugs memorized. This includes all brand names, generic names, and pharmacologic classes. Woot!
But Friday at 3:00pm, I will be done. I will have survived my first semester of pharmacy school, managing to get all A's and B's. My GPA might take a slight hit with the potential 3 B's, but I know for a fact that I'm going to get an A in Communications, and in HSPS too (if I miss less than 9 on the final). B's are possible/likely for Pharmaceutics, Biochemistry, and Calculations. I'll be okay this semester, but I really need to be a better student next semester if I'm going to keep my Presidential Scholarship for next year. I need that thing, and I have to have at least a 3.3 cumulative GPA to maintain it. I mean, it is 3/4 of my tuition.
Good thing I'm saving thousands of dollars by being an RA.
Friday, December 10, 2010
I thought I could live in your arms
Why does Mayday Parade know exactly how I feel?
Every time my heart hurts for someone, their music is the only thing I need. Every song has a line that's completely applicable to how I feel right now.
A hug. I needs it.
Every time my heart hurts for someone, their music is the only thing I need. Every song has a line that's completely applicable to how I feel right now.
A hug. I needs it.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I can live without you, but...
...without you I'll be miserable at best.
I don't even know what to say. I just know that I'm really happy when I'm with you, and the only thing I want when I'm not with you is to talk to you.
Usually, I start liking someone because a) someone suggested that he would be a good match for me, or b) it would just make sense for us to be together. You're different, though. I am genuinely falling for you.
Hard.
Fast.
Too soon.
I want soooo badly to say this to your face, for it to be like the movies - where I would pour my heart out, then I would think you didn't like me, then you would just pull me toward you and kiss me. But this isn't a movie, and I don't have the strength to be open about things like this anymore. At least not with you. I haven't even told other people - they've figured it out. And I just want them to tell you, and for you to feel the same, and for us to be happy together.
Come find me?
I don't even know what to say. I just know that I'm really happy when I'm with you, and the only thing I want when I'm not with you is to talk to you.
Usually, I start liking someone because a) someone suggested that he would be a good match for me, or b) it would just make sense for us to be together. You're different, though. I am genuinely falling for you.
Hard.
Fast.
Too soon.
I want soooo badly to say this to your face, for it to be like the movies - where I would pour my heart out, then I would think you didn't like me, then you would just pull me toward you and kiss me. But this isn't a movie, and I don't have the strength to be open about things like this anymore. At least not with you. I haven't even told other people - they've figured it out. And I just want them to tell you, and for you to feel the same, and for us to be happy together.
Come find me?
Monday, December 6, 2010
Baby, it's cold outside
Yayayayayayayay! I love Christmas music SO much. I love Glee. And I absolutely ADORE the combination!
I can't get enough of this album. "Baby It's Cold Outside" is my favorite winter song, and "O Holy Night" is my favorite Christmas song. I love love love love love love the Glee cast's versions!
Honestly, I think "Baby It's Cold Outside" is just a sexy song. I want to dance to it with somebody.
Actually, I just always want to dance with somebody. Not just dance by myself in the same room as somebody. I want to dance close to someone, feel his body against mine, let our hands wander. Gahhhh.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Teenage Dream
"Let's just talk all through the night...there's no need to rush."
"When you're around me, life's like a movie scene. I wasn't happy until you became my queen. I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece...I'm complete."
"Let you rest your head on me if that's what you need in this teenage dream tonight."
Video found here.
I love this version soooo much. Teenage Dream is one of my favorite songs, but this remake has really enhanced it.
This. This is what I want. I want to talk all through the night with you, revealing secrets and fears and dreams. I want to rest my head on your shoulder. I want you, forever and ever.
Please?
"When you're around me, life's like a movie scene. I wasn't happy until you became my queen. I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece...I'm complete."
"Let you rest your head on me if that's what you need in this teenage dream tonight."
Video found here.
I love this version soooo much. Teenage Dream is one of my favorite songs, but this remake has really enhanced it.
This. This is what I want. I want to talk all through the night with you, revealing secrets and fears and dreams. I want to rest my head on your shoulder. I want you, forever and ever.
Please?
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Fecal Findings in the Ali-vator
It's National Hug Your RA Day.
And you know what I got for it?
I got to deal with a displaced shoulder from "falling out of bed," remove a pizza box with shit in it from an elevator, and check on 8 girls who were stuck in a different elevator.
You know what I DIDN'T get for it?
A hug from a resident. :(
Props to Bill for the title of this post.
And you know what I got for it?
I got to deal with a displaced shoulder from "falling out of bed," remove a pizza box with shit in it from an elevator, and check on 8 girls who were stuck in a different elevator.
You know what I DIDN'T get for it?
A hug from a resident. :(
Props to Bill for the title of this post.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Decemberists
No, I don't know much by them. I just thought it would be an appropriate title for the first day of December. :)
So the other night was Christmas at Creighton, and then it snowed the whole next day! Lovely ♥
Creighton lost against BYU tonight, which was to be expected. It was still a fun game, though! I went with some very dear friends and saw some other ones. Great night.
Now, though, it's time to study medical terminology. 175 terms, 44 questions on the test next Tuesday. Woot woot!
So the other night was Christmas at Creighton, and then it snowed the whole next day! Lovely ♥
Creighton lost against BYU tonight, which was to be expected. It was still a fun game, though! I went with some very dear friends and saw some other ones. Great night.
Now, though, it's time to study medical terminology. 175 terms, 44 questions on the test next Tuesday. Woot woot!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
A rap about St. Ignatius...it's what you've always wanted!
Watching this video was our assignment for one of our classes today.
Take a look. It's life-changing.
Take a look. It's life-changing.
Monday, November 29, 2010
I do it for love
These next three weeks are going to be rough.
I think I might have to stop posting for a while.
:(
I promise, it won't be three weeks with absolutely nothing, but it's not going to be 3-4 posts a day like it has been the last couple of weeks.
Sorry. ♥ mreh.
I think I might have to stop posting for a while.
:(
I promise, it won't be three weeks with absolutely nothing, but it's not going to be 3-4 posts a day like it has been the last couple of weeks.
Sorry. ♥ mreh.
THUNDERSNOW
Elane just said this: "My name is Thundersnow and I want to stay with you."
Bahahahaha.
Sitting in the MOO Lounge (that's the Mutual of Omaha Student Lounge in the Hixson-Lied Science Building at Creighton University, for those who don't know), listening to Missy speak at her normal volume, which is ten times that of anyone else. Also eating lunch with Elane (love my fraaaands). Sadly, Megan and Ashley aren't here with us - that's our normal lunch group. They both skipped Health Systems today, so I'm not really surprised that they're not here right now.
So it was 50 degrees (Fahrenheit, of course, because I'm an American) when I left my room this morning. It's the second to last day of November. Ridiculous. On our way back over to main campus from Health Systems, it must not have been too different, but it felt a lot colder. There was a huge front looming over Council Bluffs, but Omaha was under a beautiful blue sky. Elane said something about seeing snow coming out of those looming clouds, and then it thundered. Thus, thundersnow. :)
The coolest snow ever.
Bahahahaha.
Sitting in the MOO Lounge (that's the Mutual of Omaha Student Lounge in the Hixson-Lied Science Building at Creighton University, for those who don't know), listening to Missy speak at her normal volume, which is ten times that of anyone else. Also eating lunch with Elane (love my fraaaands). Sadly, Megan and Ashley aren't here with us - that's our normal lunch group. They both skipped Health Systems today, so I'm not really surprised that they're not here right now.
So it was 50 degrees (Fahrenheit, of course, because I'm an American) when I left my room this morning. It's the second to last day of November. Ridiculous. On our way back over to main campus from Health Systems, it must not have been too different, but it felt a lot colder. There was a huge front looming over Council Bluffs, but Omaha was under a beautiful blue sky. Elane said something about seeing snow coming out of those looming clouds, and then it thundered. Thus, thundersnow. :)
The coolest snow ever.
Diagram
Mreh. Not too fond of this one. It might have helped if my blood sugar wasn't low while I wrote it.
A diagram of my body
to map out everything
that’s wrong with it.
Starting with the pancreas,
down to the intestines,
neither of which do their
assignments properly
Then back up to the heart,
which you’ve managed to
keep from beating normally,
instead forcing it to pound,
out of sync with the rational brain.
A diagram of my body
to map out everything
that’s wrong with it.
Starting with the pancreas,
down to the intestines,
neither of which do their
assignments properly
Then back up to the heart,
which you’ve managed to
keep from beating normally,
instead forcing it to pound,
out of sync with the rational brain.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
I want you.
No.
No, it's more than that.
I'm craving you.
Give me something.
Just a taste.
Anything.
Damn it, I want you.
Nothing I can do about it, though. I promised myself I wasn't going to do anything, like I told you. But you should know, it's eating me alive. It's like a hunger, a thirst for your words, your hips, your warmth.
If I could even possibly put into words what my insides feel like right now...I wouldn't post it. It would be too much. That shit's for my you notebook.
No, it's more than that.
I'm craving you.
Give me something.
Just a taste.
Anything.
Damn it, I want you.
Nothing I can do about it, though. I promised myself I wasn't going to do anything, like I told you. But you should know, it's eating me alive. It's like a hunger, a thirst for your words, your hips, your warmth.
If I could even possibly put into words what my insides feel like right now...I wouldn't post it. It would be too much. That shit's for my you notebook.
Mess of Me
I'm exhausted. I have not slept enough in the past few days. Maybe that was the cause of my slight meltdown last night.
I feel a lot better today...probably because I've been around people all day. Picking people up from the airport, going to church/lunch/basketball game with my mom, eating dinner with some of my favorite people. Wonderful. :)
Loneliness lingers, though. It always does.
I'm going to go write a letter to you in my you notebook. Just so you know. Something to leave you with:
I feel a lot better today...probably because I've been around people all day. Picking people up from the airport, going to church/lunch/basketball game with my mom, eating dinner with some of my favorite people. Wonderful. :)
Loneliness lingers, though. It always does.
I'm going to go write a letter to you in my you notebook. Just so you know. Something to leave you with:
I'll be your distraction
I just found this, because I was curious about the Zodiac. Interesting...
From here
From here
Virgo(August 23 - Sept. 22)
- House: Sixth
- Gemstone: Sapphire
- New age : Peridot, amazonite
- Color: Navy blue, taupe
- Opposite sign: Pisces
- Least Compatible with: Aries,Aquarius
- Ruling Planet : Mercury
- Element: Earth
- Anatomy ruled: Abdomen, intestines
- Flower: Pansy
- Most compatible with: Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo
- Tarot card: IX The Hermit
- Usually:Organized, thorough, humane and thoughtful.
- Can be:Critical, particular, irritable and untidy.
Closed
Soooo used. "Closed" is a terrible oneword. What else do you expect other than closed doors? Gahhh. Well, here it is anyway.
I tried to sleep, but I woke myself up. I'm too melancholy to cry, to sleep, to write anything worthwhile.
Closed doors waiting to be opened…reminds me of my heart. You could be the only one with the key. But if you never try to unlock those doors, how will you ever know if you are?
I Need Somebody To Love
"I don't need too much, just somebody to love."
"Oh, I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody...with somebody who loves me."
Who else thinks that a mash-up of those two songs would be epic? I totally do. Maybe that's just because they're both running through my head right now.
I get sad sometimes...usually at night, when I have no one's arms around me, or when I see a happy couple. I'm trying to stop liking anyone and just wait for someone to come along, but you have no idea how incredibly difficult that is for me to do. All I am is emotion, and to shut that off...well, it's impossible. My friends tell me someone who's perfect for me is going to come along when I least expect it. I can't help but think, though - what if no one does? Or what if I'm not aware of it when it does happen because I'm too busy focusing on not looking?
You know, if there's someone in my life right now who is interested in me, he should just come right out and say it. It would save us both a lot of misery.
But then again, isn't it the misery that we all love the best?
Until next time, this is a lovesick Ali G signing off.
"Oh, I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody...with somebody who loves me."
Who else thinks that a mash-up of those two songs would be epic? I totally do. Maybe that's just because they're both running through my head right now.
I get sad sometimes...usually at night, when I have no one's arms around me, or when I see a happy couple. I'm trying to stop liking anyone and just wait for someone to come along, but you have no idea how incredibly difficult that is for me to do. All I am is emotion, and to shut that off...well, it's impossible. My friends tell me someone who's perfect for me is going to come along when I least expect it. I can't help but think, though - what if no one does? Or what if I'm not aware of it when it does happen because I'm too busy focusing on not looking?
You know, if there's someone in my life right now who is interested in me, he should just come right out and say it. It would save us both a lot of misery.
But then again, isn't it the misery that we all love the best?
Until next time, this is a lovesick Ali G signing off.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Affection
It grows every day
stronger, higher, deeper
than I ever expected.
I’m trying to open you up,
get a glance inside
the shell around you.
Because you have done
the same for me.
stronger, higher, deeper
than I ever expected.
I’m trying to open you up,
get a glance inside
the shell around you.
Because you have done
the same for me.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Understood
I thought I understood life once.
All I really understood was school.
I didn’t understand people,
I didn’t understand relationships,
I didn’t understand I love you.
You made me realize that.
Maybe that’s why I hate you.
Only Hope
"You have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love, I love, I love you and never wish to be parted from you from this day on."
I just finished watching Pride & Prejudice. I think I could watch that movie on repeat and never tire of it. It's my favorite movie AND my favorite book. It's the perfect romance, what every girl dreams about. I'm sitting here, trying to say something about it, and I've got nothing. What can I even say? I'm in awe of it. A love like that...it's what I've always wanted, what I'll want my entire life.
The question remaining is...who's going to help me find that?
I just finished watching Pride & Prejudice. I think I could watch that movie on repeat and never tire of it. It's my favorite movie AND my favorite book. It's the perfect romance, what every girl dreams about. I'm sitting here, trying to say something about it, and I've got nothing. What can I even say? I'm in awe of it. A love like that...it's what I've always wanted, what I'll want my entire life.
The question remaining is...who's going to help me find that?
Thanksgiving
I wrote this yesterday on my iPod, which sadly does not allow me to write on here. Thus, I was forced to type it into my notepad app, so here it is a day later.
Enjoying time with family, I'm reminiscing about other recent holidays. The one that sticks out in my mind was a couple years ago. Well, I guess it must have been at least three or four years ago now...I don't even remember much of it. We were in my mom's hometown of Woodbine, IA, where my grandma lived. I know it was Thanksgiving, because it almost never snows on Thanksgiving, but it was that day. My dad and I were taking a walk downtown. It must have been before dinner...the sky was still grey and white, so it couldn't have been past 4:00 or so. We went walking around town, my dad and I. It's the tiniest little town, so it didn't take long to go anywhere. We went down to the dentist's office where my grandma had been a receptionist. From there, we walked back toward the downtown area, two blocks away. We passed a house that was being built there on the south edge of town, where the hill overlooks the railroad. This house was incredible...stone on the outside instead of brick, all glass walls on the south side, copper detailing on the windows. Apparently and elevator was being put in, too. This palace did not belong in a town like Woodbine. Dad stared and admired for a while as I watched the light, fragile snowflakes fall, until we were too cold to stand still anymore. We walked to the gas station another block down the street to warm up and get sodas. It was there, sitting in the hard plastic tan and orange booth at the PetroMart, that my dad told me it would probably be our last Thanksgiving with Grandma Norma. She had been sick for a long time, just holding on for nearly ten years after Grandpa Pat passed away. I figured it was coming, but it was still a shock. I let a few tears fall, held my dad's hand, and let go.
I learned a lot about life that day. Especially about appreciating what's around you while it's there.
Enjoying time with family, I'm reminiscing about other recent holidays. The one that sticks out in my mind was a couple years ago. Well, I guess it must have been at least three or four years ago now...I don't even remember much of it. We were in my mom's hometown of Woodbine, IA, where my grandma lived. I know it was Thanksgiving, because it almost never snows on Thanksgiving, but it was that day. My dad and I were taking a walk downtown. It must have been before dinner...the sky was still grey and white, so it couldn't have been past 4:00 or so. We went walking around town, my dad and I. It's the tiniest little town, so it didn't take long to go anywhere. We went down to the dentist's office where my grandma had been a receptionist. From there, we walked back toward the downtown area, two blocks away. We passed a house that was being built there on the south edge of town, where the hill overlooks the railroad. This house was incredible...stone on the outside instead of brick, all glass walls on the south side, copper detailing on the windows. Apparently and elevator was being put in, too. This palace did not belong in a town like Woodbine. Dad stared and admired for a while as I watched the light, fragile snowflakes fall, until we were too cold to stand still anymore. We walked to the gas station another block down the street to warm up and get sodas. It was there, sitting in the hard plastic tan and orange booth at the PetroMart, that my dad told me it would probably be our last Thanksgiving with Grandma Norma. She had been sick for a long time, just holding on for nearly ten years after Grandpa Pat passed away. I figured it was coming, but it was still a shock. I let a few tears fall, held my dad's hand, and let go.
I learned a lot about life that day. Especially about appreciating what's around you while it's there.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Railroad
I don't like it, but I'm going to post all the onewords I do.
I grew up by the railroad.
The town’s bordered by them.
When I was playing in the park
out back behind my house
and I would hear a train coming
I always got so scared
and would run into the house crying,
thinking it was going to take me away.
I grew up by the railroad.
The town’s bordered by them.
When I was playing in the park
out back behind my house
and I would hear a train coming
I always got so scared
and would run into the house crying,
thinking it was going to take me away.
Bruises
We just spent two hours talking about death, dying, loss, and grieving in my Communications class. Wow, that sucked. I had to leave the room because I started crying.
Deaths really affect me. Even if I don't know the person very well (or at all), it still really upsets me to think about the family and their loss. I don't know why...I guess it just makes me think about the losses I've experienced in my own life.
When I was in first grade, my teacher had cancer and was gone for a large part of the school year. She died about a year later, and we went to her funeral because my mom was a teacher too. To my 7-year-old self, it seemed like the entire town was there.
My grandpa died when I was 8. I saw how it affected my grandma, who truly needed him in her life. They had been childhood neighbors, dating since high school, married for over 40 years. My mom was the one who had to take care of her after that.
My grandma, to all our family's surprise, lived for ten years and a month after my grandpa's death. She passed away almost three years ago, from complications from diabetes and obesity, as well as simply not taking very good care of herself. I was 18 when she died...the last time I saw her alive, I knew that it would be the last time. We had already had some scares in the year or two before that, so we all knew it was coming. I think my mom took me to the hospital that day just so I could say goodbye. I told her about getting my big scholarship to Creighton, and she told me how proud she was of me. The very last thing I heard her say was as we were walking out of her room - she called the nurse and asked for some strawberry ice cream. I think that's one of my favorite memories about her. God, I miss her so much.
Before that, though, I endured a friend's suicide. I was a sophomore in high school, and Brian was a senior. My best friend (Rachel) and I ate lunch with him and his girlfriend, Jane (who was just a year older than us), every day of our freshman year. It was pretty unexpected, and I think that's why it still affects me to this day. I used to think about him every day...now, it's at least once a month, if not a few times more. Every September 18th, I'm a wreck. The song I remember most from his funeral was "Lord of the Dance" because he absolutely loved dancing and performing, and he had so much faith. Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was popular at the time, so that song always reminds me of him too. Looking back, we should have seen it coming. Brian had been taking medication to relieve his severe migraines, and I'm sure that was part of it. He suddenly broke up with Jane just a few days earlier, only a couple weeks before the homecoming dance, and when he tried to get her back she was too upset and said no. He left his favorite sweatshirt with a note saying it wasn't her fault in her car that night.
This year alone, my hometown has been shocked with four deaths...three of which were girls in my graduating class. Kelsey died in August from an epileptic seizure in her sleep. Tonya passed away in October from complications she was born with. Courtney was the only person in a one-car accident in the country between Fremont and Lincoln. Those three shocked me so much...they were in my class. I'm the same age as them. I think the worst part was the idea that it could have been me - I realize how much they're going to miss out on, how much I still have left to do in my life. The fourth death was Don Longacre. We took our cars to him to get them serviced - to the garage he owned with his son, Gary. Don's granddaughter Tanya, who is a year older than me, was in my dance classes for thirteen years. He was such a great community member, and everyone loved him. His death was pretty unexpected - he had a brain aneurysm and collapsed at the garage on a Thursday, and they took him off life support on that Sunday.
Combined with the stress that is this year, I was a total mess when these deaths occurred. I've been a complete train wreck of emotions with every death in my life. But now, it's helpful to look back and appreciate what each of those people brought to the world. I try to remember the great things about each one, and with every day it gets better. God knows what he's doing...I'm sure of that.
Deaths really affect me. Even if I don't know the person very well (or at all), it still really upsets me to think about the family and their loss. I don't know why...I guess it just makes me think about the losses I've experienced in my own life.
When I was in first grade, my teacher had cancer and was gone for a large part of the school year. She died about a year later, and we went to her funeral because my mom was a teacher too. To my 7-year-old self, it seemed like the entire town was there.
My grandpa died when I was 8. I saw how it affected my grandma, who truly needed him in her life. They had been childhood neighbors, dating since high school, married for over 40 years. My mom was the one who had to take care of her after that.
My grandma, to all our family's surprise, lived for ten years and a month after my grandpa's death. She passed away almost three years ago, from complications from diabetes and obesity, as well as simply not taking very good care of herself. I was 18 when she died...the last time I saw her alive, I knew that it would be the last time. We had already had some scares in the year or two before that, so we all knew it was coming. I think my mom took me to the hospital that day just so I could say goodbye. I told her about getting my big scholarship to Creighton, and she told me how proud she was of me. The very last thing I heard her say was as we were walking out of her room - she called the nurse and asked for some strawberry ice cream. I think that's one of my favorite memories about her. God, I miss her so much.
Before that, though, I endured a friend's suicide. I was a sophomore in high school, and Brian was a senior. My best friend (Rachel) and I ate lunch with him and his girlfriend, Jane (who was just a year older than us), every day of our freshman year. It was pretty unexpected, and I think that's why it still affects me to this day. I used to think about him every day...now, it's at least once a month, if not a few times more. Every September 18th, I'm a wreck. The song I remember most from his funeral was "Lord of the Dance" because he absolutely loved dancing and performing, and he had so much faith. Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was popular at the time, so that song always reminds me of him too. Looking back, we should have seen it coming. Brian had been taking medication to relieve his severe migraines, and I'm sure that was part of it. He suddenly broke up with Jane just a few days earlier, only a couple weeks before the homecoming dance, and when he tried to get her back she was too upset and said no. He left his favorite sweatshirt with a note saying it wasn't her fault in her car that night.
This year alone, my hometown has been shocked with four deaths...three of which were girls in my graduating class. Kelsey died in August from an epileptic seizure in her sleep. Tonya passed away in October from complications she was born with. Courtney was the only person in a one-car accident in the country between Fremont and Lincoln. Those three shocked me so much...they were in my class. I'm the same age as them. I think the worst part was the idea that it could have been me - I realize how much they're going to miss out on, how much I still have left to do in my life. The fourth death was Don Longacre. We took our cars to him to get them serviced - to the garage he owned with his son, Gary. Don's granddaughter Tanya, who is a year older than me, was in my dance classes for thirteen years. He was such a great community member, and everyone loved him. His death was pretty unexpected - he had a brain aneurysm and collapsed at the garage on a Thursday, and they took him off life support on that Sunday.
Combined with the stress that is this year, I was a total mess when these deaths occurred. I've been a complete train wreck of emotions with every death in my life. But now, it's helpful to look back and appreciate what each of those people brought to the world. I try to remember the great things about each one, and with every day it gets better. God knows what he's doing...I'm sure of that.
Monday, November 22, 2010
I Swear, This Time I Mean It
Baby, I'm a dreamer for sure.
I'm writing, and writing, and writing, and now that I've started, I don't know how to stop.
It was so easy to keep it turned off, like an old rusted faucet. But you came and polished me up, not all at once but in a slow, gradual way. Instead of being completely covered with brittle brown layers, there are a few new shiny spots. Water droplets of words are building up in me, beginning to pour out into the empty bucket that is the notebook you gave to me.
You're piecing me back together, slowly but surely. I'm a mosaic in the works, you're the artist forming me. And for that, there's nothing I can do but to thank you.
I'm writing, and writing, and writing, and now that I've started, I don't know how to stop.
It was so easy to keep it turned off, like an old rusted faucet. But you came and polished me up, not all at once but in a slow, gradual way. Instead of being completely covered with brittle brown layers, there are a few new shiny spots. Water droplets of words are building up in me, beginning to pour out into the empty bucket that is the notebook you gave to me.
You're piecing me back together, slowly but surely. I'm a mosaic in the works, you're the artist forming me. And for that, there's nothing I can do but to thank you.
Laugh for me
When you laugh
it's the perfect melody
that every singer
hopes to achieve
When you laugh
you squint your eyes
like the joy is too much
for them to handle
When you laugh
your shoulders
scrunch in,
cradling your chin
When you laugh
I laugh along
making a song
a lover's harmony
it's the perfect melody
that every singer
hopes to achieve
When you laugh
you squint your eyes
like the joy is too much
for them to handle
When you laugh
your shoulders
scrunch in,
cradling your chin
When you laugh
I laugh along
making a song
a lover's harmony
Habit
Shots after shots
forced into it
a life you never wanted
hell, a life no one would want
so what do you do with it?
you make it who you are
but you say that you’re the one in control
liar
forced into it
a life you never wanted
hell, a life no one would want
so what do you do with it?
you make it who you are
but you say that you’re the one in control
liar
Kiss Me
Since I'm enjoying the whole rediscovery thing right now, I made a playlist tonight based on "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None The Richer. I'm listening to it right now. Love love love.
I'm sitting at the Kiewit front desk, idling my time away. I like this shift, 1am-3am...it's always quiet, and I feel like I have time to be with myself. I can (basically) do what I want, and it's pretty much stress-free. Tonight is SUPER-relaxing, especially since:
- I got my homework done earlier today
- I went out to Chipotle for dinner with Katherine
- I danced with Patrick, Bill, and Tiara
- I had plenty of time to shower and re-straighten my hair
- My hair is softer than usual now
- There are two days of classes left until Thanksgiving break
- We don't have meetings tomorrow night
- My 8:00am class is canceled Tuesday
- I only have classes 9:00-12:00 Tuesday
- We're going out for Katie's birthday Tuesday
- I'm going home for about 30 hours on Wednesday
Yayyyyyy! I love this week! And then I come back and am on duty with the wonderful Patrick (who can be found here) starting Friday. It shouldn't be too bad, since it's Thanksgiving break and most people are probably leaving campus.
Dang, I love this playlist. This is exactly what I'm in the mood for right now.
In fact, this entire feeling is exactly what I'm in the mood for right now. Relaxed, not stressed anymore, and veeeeeery chill.
Shoot. I just remembered that I was going to start working on my novel again tonight! I'm going to go do that. Love ♥
I'm sitting at the Kiewit front desk, idling my time away. I like this shift, 1am-3am...it's always quiet, and I feel like I have time to be with myself. I can (basically) do what I want, and it's pretty much stress-free. Tonight is SUPER-relaxing, especially since:
- I got my homework done earlier today
- I went out to Chipotle for dinner with Katherine
- I danced with Patrick, Bill, and Tiara
- I had plenty of time to shower and re-straighten my hair
- My hair is softer than usual now
- There are two days of classes left until Thanksgiving break
- We don't have meetings tomorrow night
- My 8:00am class is canceled Tuesday
- I only have classes 9:00-12:00 Tuesday
- We're going out for Katie's birthday Tuesday
- I'm going home for about 30 hours on Wednesday
Yayyyyyy! I love this week! And then I come back and am on duty with the wonderful Patrick (who can be found here) starting Friday. It shouldn't be too bad, since it's Thanksgiving break and most people are probably leaving campus.
Dang, I love this playlist. This is exactly what I'm in the mood for right now.
In fact, this entire feeling is exactly what I'm in the mood for right now. Relaxed, not stressed anymore, and veeeeeery chill.
Shoot. I just remembered that I was going to start working on my novel again tonight! I'm going to go do that. Love ♥
Friday, November 19, 2010
Spanish Pop Music FTW
I just wanted to share this video with you guys. It's basically amazing, and something else I've rediscovered this week. Hahahahaha :)
Rediscovered
OH HEY.
Wow, I hadn't realized that it's been a year since I last posted. Insanity.
So...basically, my entire life has changed since November 2009.
First: I broke up with Ryan. Yes, I did the breaking of the hearts. It was the beginning of January 2010. We hadn't talked between Thanksgiving and Christmas break - a good three weeks - and I just felt like I wasn't in a relationship anymore. I was pretty upset about it for a while, and of course I still miss him sometimes, but not nearly as much. He's a stupid boy who didn't try hard enough, and I'm fine. In fact, I'm better than fine. I've rediscovered myself since January. I'm back to being me, not the me I thought I should be for him. That means I've rediscovered God, I've rediscovered beauty in life, and I've rediscovered passion. I'm not sure I'll ever be done figuring out who I am or what I want, but now I'm okay with that.
Second: I've chased a few guys since then, but now I've given up on that. Why should I torture myself trying to get guys to be interested in me when they're not? Ridiculosity, I tell you. Yes. Ridiculosity. I'm working on me now (like everyone tells me to) and someone will come along. Just look at me in that picture - so much happier.
Third: I've learned that patience is key - not just in dating and stuff like that, but in all things in life. More on that later.
Fourth: I'm in freaking PHARMACY SCHOOL. No more undergrad for me! It feels so weird to be in professional school. I'm going to have a PharmD. (doctor of pharmacy) degree three and a half years from now. What?!?! But yeah, those are my parents with me in that picture. Love love love.
Fifth: School is hard. Huhhh? I've never said that before. But it is. It's hard to stay motivated to study when it's all you do all week long, every week in the semester. And it's hard to listen when your professor has the heaviest Indian accent you've ever heard and speaks in broken English. And it's hard to listen when you have Facebook, Twitter, and Bejeweled at your disposal because you have a new computer that the school gave you and you're on it in class all day long.
Sixth: I'm an RA! I love Kiewit Hall and all my fellow staff members and residents. It's a wonderful life...made a little more difficult than normal what with being in professional school and all. But thanks to Res Life, I've got some great people around me who are helping me to develop and grow - Patrick's forcing me to write so that I can find my voice again, Steph is sooo supportive and such a great friend, and I've found my friendships with Shannon, Katie, Tim, and Eric again. Woo hoo!
So basically, everything's different. I have rediscovered my blog (yay!), I have rediscovered myself, and I am in the process of rediscovering my voice. Much love.
Wow, I hadn't realized that it's been a year since I last posted. Insanity.
So...basically, my entire life has changed since November 2009.
First: I broke up with Ryan. Yes, I did the breaking of the hearts. It was the beginning of January 2010. We hadn't talked between Thanksgiving and Christmas break - a good three weeks - and I just felt like I wasn't in a relationship anymore. I was pretty upset about it for a while, and of course I still miss him sometimes, but not nearly as much. He's a stupid boy who didn't try hard enough, and I'm fine. In fact, I'm better than fine. I've rediscovered myself since January. I'm back to being me, not the me I thought I should be for him. That means I've rediscovered God, I've rediscovered beauty in life, and I've rediscovered passion. I'm not sure I'll ever be done figuring out who I am or what I want, but now I'm okay with that.
Second: I've chased a few guys since then, but now I've given up on that. Why should I torture myself trying to get guys to be interested in me when they're not? Ridiculosity, I tell you. Yes. Ridiculosity. I'm working on me now (like everyone tells me to) and someone will come along. Just look at me in that picture - so much happier.
Third: I've learned that patience is key - not just in dating and stuff like that, but in all things in life. More on that later.
Fourth: I'm in freaking PHARMACY SCHOOL. No more undergrad for me! It feels so weird to be in professional school. I'm going to have a PharmD. (doctor of pharmacy) degree three and a half years from now. What?!?! But yeah, those are my parents with me in that picture. Love love love.
Fifth: School is hard. Huhhh? I've never said that before. But it is. It's hard to stay motivated to study when it's all you do all week long, every week in the semester. And it's hard to listen when your professor has the heaviest Indian accent you've ever heard and speaks in broken English. And it's hard to listen when you have Facebook, Twitter, and Bejeweled at your disposal because you have a new computer that the school gave you and you're on it in class all day long.
Sixth: I'm an RA! I love Kiewit Hall and all my fellow staff members and residents. It's a wonderful life...made a little more difficult than normal what with being in professional school and all. But thanks to Res Life, I've got some great people around me who are helping me to develop and grow - Patrick's forcing me to write so that I can find my voice again, Steph is sooo supportive and such a great friend, and I've found my friendships with Shannon, Katie, Tim, and Eric again. Woo hoo!
So basically, everything's different. I have rediscovered my blog (yay!), I have rediscovered myself, and I am in the process of rediscovering my voice. Much love.
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