It started off this morning with that song. Watching some countdown on CMT, top 40 songs of the decade or something? Nothing better to watch, so resorting to that after half an hour of flipping through channels. Watching parts of the video, interviews with people who know their country music.
Tears are flowing out of my eyes as my mom walks in the door, so I turn and hide them, busy myself by putting away the laundry I just folded. They're gone as quickly as they came, and I try to forget them.
Mom says I need to call Dr. MacCashland to get my biopsy results. I hold it together through the phone call, thinking maybe they won't return. As I walk away from the kitchen, though, there's no stopping them.
Strolling through Walmart to get groceries, they nearly make a return. I realize how lonely I am without someone to hold me, tell me I'm still normal, walk me through the aisles to find everything I can still eat.
Then I finish Mockingjay tonight. Damn, that book is tough to get through. The last chapter and the epilogue tear me apart, rip me to shreds, and I'm blinded again. Forcing myself to inhale deeply and push the saltwater back down.
So many tears today.
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