It started off this morning with that song. Watching some countdown on CMT, top 40 songs of the decade or something? Nothing better to watch, so resorting to that after half an hour of flipping through channels. Watching parts of the video, interviews with people who know their country music.
Tears are flowing out of my eyes as my mom walks in the door, so I turn and hide them, busy myself by putting away the laundry I just folded. They're gone as quickly as they came, and I try to forget them.
Mom says I need to call Dr. MacCashland to get my biopsy results. I hold it together through the phone call, thinking maybe they won't return. As I walk away from the kitchen, though, there's no stopping them.
Strolling through Walmart to get groceries, they nearly make a return. I realize how lonely I am without someone to hold me, tell me I'm still normal, walk me through the aisles to find everything I can still eat.
Then I finish Mockingjay tonight. Damn, that book is tough to get through. The last chapter and the epilogue tear me apart, rip me to shreds, and I'm blinded again. Forcing myself to inhale deeply and push the saltwater back down.
So many tears today.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Take my hand, we'll hide in the corner
Dear nonexistent readers,
Well, I've been sedated, had a tube stuck down my throat into my small intestine, had bits of my small intestine removed to be looked at, and spent the entire day on the couch. All I did was read, eat cold foods that didn't require chewing, and sleep. Man, I slept a lot.
I'm feeling great today. I've had a headache for a while, but it's less noticeable today than it was last night. My guess is that it's from the lack of caffeine I had yesterday - it was the first day in a very, very long time that I didn't consume ANY caffeine at all. CRAZINESS.
Right now I'm at Panera in La Vista, NE (part of Omaha) sitting in the back corner booth while my mom is having a small lunch meeting for work. Glad I brought my computer. :) I also brought Pride and Prejudice (♥) and the second book of the Hunger Games series, Catching Fire.
I started The Hunger Games on Christmas Day and finished it yesterday. We got it for my cousin Liam, but he was playing with his new basketball and I felt like taking a look at it. Katherine's addicted to the series, so I figured I should give it a try since I seem to like what she likes.
Well, I ended up not being able to put it down. I was craving it all evening, as well as the next day. So my mom agreed to buy me a copy to read while I was stuck on the couch all day yesterday. Thank goodness! We couldn't find Catching Fire anywhere, but then we stopped at WalMart today and got one. :) Once I finish them, we're going to send Catching Fire and Mockingjay (the third book) to my cousins Meghan and Caitlin for their birthday in February. Yay!
So, I guess that's all for now. You can hardly even see the mark from where they put the IV in my arm yesterday, and my throat doesn't even hurt anymore. It just feels a little more open than usual. Interesting.
Oh, we went to see "How Do You Know" on Sunday with Aunt Sara, Grandma, and Olivia (Liam's little sister). I wouldn't recommend it. It's cute enough at the end, but the story just kind of drags on. Mmmkay, bye!
Well, I've been sedated, had a tube stuck down my throat into my small intestine, had bits of my small intestine removed to be looked at, and spent the entire day on the couch. All I did was read, eat cold foods that didn't require chewing, and sleep. Man, I slept a lot.
I'm feeling great today. I've had a headache for a while, but it's less noticeable today than it was last night. My guess is that it's from the lack of caffeine I had yesterday - it was the first day in a very, very long time that I didn't consume ANY caffeine at all. CRAZINESS.
Right now I'm at Panera in La Vista, NE (part of Omaha) sitting in the back corner booth while my mom is having a small lunch meeting for work. Glad I brought my computer. :) I also brought Pride and Prejudice (♥) and the second book of the Hunger Games series, Catching Fire.
I started The Hunger Games on Christmas Day and finished it yesterday. We got it for my cousin Liam, but he was playing with his new basketball and I felt like taking a look at it. Katherine's addicted to the series, so I figured I should give it a try since I seem to like what she likes.
Well, I ended up not being able to put it down. I was craving it all evening, as well as the next day. So my mom agreed to buy me a copy to read while I was stuck on the couch all day yesterday. Thank goodness! We couldn't find Catching Fire anywhere, but then we stopped at WalMart today and got one. :) Once I finish them, we're going to send Catching Fire and Mockingjay (the third book) to my cousins Meghan and Caitlin for their birthday in February. Yay!
So, I guess that's all for now. You can hardly even see the mark from where they put the IV in my arm yesterday, and my throat doesn't even hurt anymore. It just feels a little more open than usual. Interesting.
Oh, we went to see "How Do You Know" on Sunday with Aunt Sara, Grandma, and Olivia (Liam's little sister). I wouldn't recommend it. It's cute enough at the end, but the story just kind of drags on. Mmmkay, bye!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
A merry little Christmas ♥
Well, my 22nd Christmas has passed. It was the same as always, wonderful and filled with family, fun, laughs, and love.
Sadly, I don't have pictures for you. I didn't take any this year because Aunt Chris was taking them with her wonderful Canon EOS 60D, to which my little blue PowerShot does not compare. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my little camera. I just want an SLR soooooo badly. But once she emails pictures out, and then once my mother forwards them to me, I will post them.
I love my family so much. ♥ We're all a little weird, and we all have our issues. Before Christmas, I was a little down in the dumps (as if you couldn't tell from my recent posts, not that anyone even reads this...). But then I was surrounded by family and happiness, and it's hard to be self-pitying anymore. At least right now. I am SO incredibly blessed. I'm not trying to say my family is perfect - far from it, let me tell you. But there's so much love there that it covers the mistakes made.
I hope your Christmas was just as blessed.
Oh, also...I have finally talked to my parents about the possibility of looking into an insulin pump. Yay! (It's a little sad, is it not, that I'm so excited about this. But I am!)
Sadly, I don't have pictures for you. I didn't take any this year because Aunt Chris was taking them with her wonderful Canon EOS 60D, to which my little blue PowerShot does not compare. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my little camera. I just want an SLR soooooo badly. But once she emails pictures out, and then once my mother forwards them to me, I will post them.
I love my family so much. ♥ We're all a little weird, and we all have our issues. Before Christmas, I was a little down in the dumps (as if you couldn't tell from my recent posts, not that anyone even reads this...). But then I was surrounded by family and happiness, and it's hard to be self-pitying anymore. At least right now. I am SO incredibly blessed. I'm not trying to say my family is perfect - far from it, let me tell you. But there's so much love there that it covers the mistakes made.
I hope your Christmas was just as blessed.
Oh, also...I have finally talked to my parents about the possibility of looking into an insulin pump. Yay! (It's a little sad, is it not, that I'm so excited about this. But I am!)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sick and tired
I'm sick and tired.
I'm sick because I have been since I was 8, and now there's more wrong with me.
I pray for one disease over another, because one can be fixed.
I already have one that will last forever and a deficiency that goes along with it, and I don't want to add another one.
Fuck, I don't want to add another disease at all, but I have to pray and hope and wish that I have the one that will make less of an impact on my life.
Another pill? Sure, that's fine. I can deal with taking pills for the rest of my life. I already do that.
Changing my eating habits? I'm not so okay with that.
I want to be less different, and now I'm even more so.
I talk about my diseased state all the time. I tell you it's my favorite thing to talk about, which isn't really the truth. It's just the subject I know most about and which you don't know much about, so I can talk a lot. I like talking.
What I hate, though, is being diseased. I will never not be sick. And you know what? That sucks.
I fucking hate being diabetic. I hate having hypothyroidism. I hate the possibility of having Celiac. I hate it, hate it, hate it.
I'm tired, and going to bed but not to sleep because I can't fall asleep thinking about how sick I am.
I'm sick and tired of being sick.
I'm sick because I have been since I was 8, and now there's more wrong with me.
I pray for one disease over another, because one can be fixed.
I already have one that will last forever and a deficiency that goes along with it, and I don't want to add another one.
Fuck, I don't want to add another disease at all, but I have to pray and hope and wish that I have the one that will make less of an impact on my life.
Another pill? Sure, that's fine. I can deal with taking pills for the rest of my life. I already do that.
Changing my eating habits? I'm not so okay with that.
I want to be less different, and now I'm even more so.
I talk about my diseased state all the time. I tell you it's my favorite thing to talk about, which isn't really the truth. It's just the subject I know most about and which you don't know much about, so I can talk a lot. I like talking.
What I hate, though, is being diseased. I will never not be sick. And you know what? That sucks.
I fucking hate being diabetic. I hate having hypothyroidism. I hate the possibility of having Celiac. I hate it, hate it, hate it.
I'm tired, and going to bed but not to sleep because I can't fall asleep thinking about how sick I am.
I'm sick and tired of being sick.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I'll be doing alright with my Christmas of white
I hope you'll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas.
This is my first Christmas in three years without you. Well, without you in my life. Last year I didn't want you there because you ruined it the year before, and I was planning to break up with you a couple weeks later anyway. But we were still together. Sometimes I forget that I was still your girlfriend only a year ago. Then I realize that in a few weeks (two and a half from today), I will have been single for a full year.
Sometimes, I wish I was still there. Sitting on your ugly 80's couch, holding hands and watching the History Channel, House, or NCIS. Smelling the Garnier Fructis spray in your hair, the warm smell of your shoulder as it supported my head. (I almost typed heart instead of head...) Now the scent of my hair mousse doesn't remind me of you, I can watch NCIS and House without thinking of you (until a few hours later), and I lean on a bunch of other people's shoulders for support, both with my head and my heart.
Sometimes, I forget your phone number. Then suddenly the mess of numbers clears up, and there it is. Even though I deleted it from my phone, I can still remember it. I was really happy the first time I couldn't do that, though. Hopefully that will keep happening.
This is the second letter I've written to you now...the other one is still hiding where I left it this summer, sloppy handwriting from a ballpoint pen on plain computer paper. Six pages, I think? This one's in typing (my favorite font, which you would probably be neutral about). I remember our shared hatred of Comic Sans, which apparently we share with a TON of people - including the new girl who I suspect is a little into you, but I'll never know if my hunch is true. Did you know her cousin is in the Honors Program at Creighton? So weird, how things like that happen.
Anyway...I saw Chris (the "dog," as you always called her - asshole) tonight. She was at Wendy's with a couple girls I didn't recognize, and she was holding a baby. Maybe it was hers? I haven't creeped enough to find out yet. But I thought you might think that was entertaining. Because you always were the type to make fun of people worse off than you, especially Chris. I felt kind of bad for her, even though she was kind of a crazy bitch. She was nice enough to me while I was with you.
You would think it was stupid, but I'm reading Pride and Prejudice and listening to Christmas music on the radio. The song about meeting an old lover in the grocery store just came on - apparently it's called Same Old Lang Syne. They're both making me think of you. I'm partly wishing that could be us one day...but in all honesty, I probably won't see you ever again. Blue Christmas makes me think of you too, because I really truly hope that's how you feel. It sounds terrible, but I want you to realize how much you lost when you let me walk out your door on January 7th.
I remember I was wearing my grey skinny jeans, forest green henley, and brown boots. We went to Applebee's (like always), and you were in a particularly silly mood. You spelled out "MOO" with the straw wrappers while I was in the bathroom. I was texting Corinne the entire night, saying I couldn't do it, and she kept telling me I had to. We went back to your house after renting The Hangover from Hastings. After watching it, we saw the end of an episode of House and I started crying. We talked for what seemed like hours, but it probably only took about one. You cried, and I remember you pushing my hand away because I was hanging on too long. When there was finally nothing left to say, I went home. Before I left, I kissed your cheek, and you kissed my forehead. I watched your face crumple as I walked out the door, and I don't remember the drive home. I cried for days after that.
So yeah. Nights like tonight, they make me miss being with you. Not you, necessarily, but being with you. So I guess they make me miss being with anyone, and you're the only one with whom I have any experience of that. So then it feels like I miss you. But maybe I just miss being wanted, maybe I feel guilty. I can't tell you any of this, because that would be like admitting defeat. I don't regret it, but I am sorry for hurting you. You'll never admit that I did, but I know it's true. I saw your face.
I don't think Angiee or Sherri would still love me so much if they didn't think I was good for you. But I wasn't good enough - I couldn't inspire you to come to God, and you took me away from him. Maybe someday you'll find a girl who can do that. I secretly hope you don't and that you pine for me until you die because I'm the one that got away. Because you let me walk out the door, and all the while I was hoping you'd run out and stop me before I drove away, or that you'd call and beg me to change my mind. You never did, though, so I'm left in the dark praying that's how you still feel, and hoping that you'll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas.
This is my first Christmas in three years without you. Well, without you in my life. Last year I didn't want you there because you ruined it the year before, and I was planning to break up with you a couple weeks later anyway. But we were still together. Sometimes I forget that I was still your girlfriend only a year ago. Then I realize that in a few weeks (two and a half from today), I will have been single for a full year.
Sometimes, I wish I was still there. Sitting on your ugly 80's couch, holding hands and watching the History Channel, House, or NCIS. Smelling the Garnier Fructis spray in your hair, the warm smell of your shoulder as it supported my head. (I almost typed heart instead of head...) Now the scent of my hair mousse doesn't remind me of you, I can watch NCIS and House without thinking of you (until a few hours later), and I lean on a bunch of other people's shoulders for support, both with my head and my heart.
Sometimes, I forget your phone number. Then suddenly the mess of numbers clears up, and there it is. Even though I deleted it from my phone, I can still remember it. I was really happy the first time I couldn't do that, though. Hopefully that will keep happening.
This is the second letter I've written to you now...the other one is still hiding where I left it this summer, sloppy handwriting from a ballpoint pen on plain computer paper. Six pages, I think? This one's in typing (my favorite font, which you would probably be neutral about). I remember our shared hatred of Comic Sans, which apparently we share with a TON of people - including the new girl who I suspect is a little into you, but I'll never know if my hunch is true. Did you know her cousin is in the Honors Program at Creighton? So weird, how things like that happen.
Anyway...I saw Chris (the "dog," as you always called her - asshole) tonight. She was at Wendy's with a couple girls I didn't recognize, and she was holding a baby. Maybe it was hers? I haven't creeped enough to find out yet. But I thought you might think that was entertaining. Because you always were the type to make fun of people worse off than you, especially Chris. I felt kind of bad for her, even though she was kind of a crazy bitch. She was nice enough to me while I was with you.
You would think it was stupid, but I'm reading Pride and Prejudice and listening to Christmas music on the radio. The song about meeting an old lover in the grocery store just came on - apparently it's called Same Old Lang Syne. They're both making me think of you. I'm partly wishing that could be us one day...but in all honesty, I probably won't see you ever again. Blue Christmas makes me think of you too, because I really truly hope that's how you feel. It sounds terrible, but I want you to realize how much you lost when you let me walk out your door on January 7th.
I remember I was wearing my grey skinny jeans, forest green henley, and brown boots. We went to Applebee's (like always), and you were in a particularly silly mood. You spelled out "MOO" with the straw wrappers while I was in the bathroom. I was texting Corinne the entire night, saying I couldn't do it, and she kept telling me I had to. We went back to your house after renting The Hangover from Hastings. After watching it, we saw the end of an episode of House and I started crying. We talked for what seemed like hours, but it probably only took about one. You cried, and I remember you pushing my hand away because I was hanging on too long. When there was finally nothing left to say, I went home. Before I left, I kissed your cheek, and you kissed my forehead. I watched your face crumple as I walked out the door, and I don't remember the drive home. I cried for days after that.
So yeah. Nights like tonight, they make me miss being with you. Not you, necessarily, but being with you. So I guess they make me miss being with anyone, and you're the only one with whom I have any experience of that. So then it feels like I miss you. But maybe I just miss being wanted, maybe I feel guilty. I can't tell you any of this, because that would be like admitting defeat. I don't regret it, but I am sorry for hurting you. You'll never admit that I did, but I know it's true. I saw your face.
I don't think Angiee or Sherri would still love me so much if they didn't think I was good for you. But I wasn't good enough - I couldn't inspire you to come to God, and you took me away from him. Maybe someday you'll find a girl who can do that. I secretly hope you don't and that you pine for me until you die because I'm the one that got away. Because you let me walk out the door, and all the while I was hoping you'd run out and stop me before I drove away, or that you'd call and beg me to change my mind. You never did, though, so I'm left in the dark praying that's how you still feel, and hoping that you'll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Look at this photograph
There are soooo many pictures from yesterday. I think we took 86 during our Rachel-Laura-Corinne-Ali photo shoot, and we took a bunch at the traditional Madi-Jayme-Marissa-Katie-Ali-and-respective-mothers cookie baking event (without Katie, who is visiting PT schools up north). I don't think I can even pick the best ones. You'll have to check my Facebook to see them all!
Madi, Jayme, Marissa, and Ali
Laura, Corinne, Rachel, and Ali
These last two really truly represent our friendship. Goodness gracious, I love us.
Madi, Jayme, Marissa, and Ali
Laura, Corinne, Rachel, and Ali
These last two really truly represent our friendship. Goodness gracious, I love us.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I'll be home for Christmas
The worst finals week in the history of my life is finally over, and I am home. Thank the Lord.
I love Creighton and all of my amazing friends there, don't get me wrong. It's just wonderful coming home after a looooong week of stress and hassle.
I saw my baby cousin Cale today. :) That's me holding him this summer when I met him for the first time. He is SUCH a happy baby! Oh my goodness, I just love him so much! He's actually my cousin Ann Marie's son, so he's...my second cousin? First cousin once removed? I'm not sure. It's easier to call him my cousin.
Tomorrow, I shall see my BESTIESSSSS. I am so freaking excited. Rachel, Laura, and Corinne. Love love love. We're going to take the pictures we planned to take this summer, but now it's winter. We'll be taking them at Corinne's house, May Museum, downtown Fremont, and wherever else we feel like it. It's going to be a blast! Rachel's sister Megan (aka my sister Megan) shall be our photographer. To give you a preview, here's the epitome of my friendship with Rachel in photographic form:
Bahahahahaha. That was a fun night. Now you know all that you need to know about my best (home) friend and myself. :)
Also, I'll be baking cookies with friends Madi and Jayme, as well as their moms (Cozy and Diane, respectively) and my own mom and possibly Katie's mom Jodi. Katie unfortunately can't come, and neither can Marissa or her mom Marsha. Sad day. :( But it'll still be fun!
I'm exhausted. I got 3 hours of sleep last night, all thanks to Patrick. Pssssh. But in all honesty, it was totally worth it. What a great conversation.
Also, I had one heck of a morning. Between finishing room checks, packing my stuff, and checking out myself, it was extremely chaotic. I forgot a few things, but nothing I can't live without.
All is well on the home front. We got home from Uncle Mike and Aunt Sue's (where I saw Cale today) at 4:30ish? Maybe? Then the mama and I got groceries and Runza for dinner while Dad went to the warehouse to work on his car, or do whatever he does there. Then we came home and I took a bath in my itty-bitty bathtub, fell asleep for a few minutes after reading two chapters of Pride and Prejudice (which I'm re-reading over break). Since then, I've just been lying in bed typing this, texting Rachel and Corinne, and Skype chatting with Chris, who's leaving the Denver airport soon to finally fly home.
It's been a beautiful night, and I shall talk to you soon. But for now, sleep is calling me. ♥
I love Creighton and all of my amazing friends there, don't get me wrong. It's just wonderful coming home after a looooong week of stress and hassle.
I saw my baby cousin Cale today. :) That's me holding him this summer when I met him for the first time. He is SUCH a happy baby! Oh my goodness, I just love him so much! He's actually my cousin Ann Marie's son, so he's...my second cousin? First cousin once removed? I'm not sure. It's easier to call him my cousin.Tomorrow, I shall see my BESTIESSSSS. I am so freaking excited. Rachel, Laura, and Corinne. Love love love. We're going to take the pictures we planned to take this summer, but now it's winter. We'll be taking them at Corinne's house, May Museum, downtown Fremont, and wherever else we feel like it. It's going to be a blast! Rachel's sister Megan (aka my sister Megan) shall be our photographer. To give you a preview, here's the epitome of my friendship with Rachel in photographic form:
Bahahahahaha. That was a fun night. Now you know all that you need to know about my best (home) friend and myself. :)
Also, I'll be baking cookies with friends Madi and Jayme, as well as their moms (Cozy and Diane, respectively) and my own mom and possibly Katie's mom Jodi. Katie unfortunately can't come, and neither can Marissa or her mom Marsha. Sad day. :( But it'll still be fun!
I'm exhausted. I got 3 hours of sleep last night, all thanks to Patrick. Pssssh. But in all honesty, it was totally worth it. What a great conversation.
Also, I had one heck of a morning. Between finishing room checks, packing my stuff, and checking out myself, it was extremely chaotic. I forgot a few things, but nothing I can't live without.
All is well on the home front. We got home from Uncle Mike and Aunt Sue's (where I saw Cale today) at 4:30ish? Maybe? Then the mama and I got groceries and Runza for dinner while Dad went to the warehouse to work on his car, or do whatever he does there. Then we came home and I took a bath in my itty-bitty bathtub, fell asleep for a few minutes after reading two chapters of Pride and Prejudice (which I'm re-reading over break). Since then, I've just been lying in bed typing this, texting Rachel and Corinne, and Skype chatting with Chris, who's leaving the Denver airport soon to finally fly home.
It's been a beautiful night, and I shall talk to you soon. But for now, sleep is calling me. ♥
Monday, December 13, 2010
Gone crazy - back in a few
Days, that is.
I have 6 tests in the next 5 days. One every day, with 2 on Friday. Gahhhh.
At least they're all at 1:00pm, except for one at 8:00am on Friday.
Schedule:
-Monday - Pharmaceutics
-Tuesday - Communications
-Wednesday - Biochemistry
-Thursday - Calculations
-Friday - Health Systems & Patient Safety, Top 100 Drugs
By "Top 100 Drugs," I mean that I have to have 100 drugs memorized. This includes all brand names, generic names, and pharmacologic classes. Woot!
But Friday at 3:00pm, I will be done. I will have survived my first semester of pharmacy school, managing to get all A's and B's. My GPA might take a slight hit with the potential 3 B's, but I know for a fact that I'm going to get an A in Communications, and in HSPS too (if I miss less than 9 on the final). B's are possible/likely for Pharmaceutics, Biochemistry, and Calculations. I'll be okay this semester, but I really need to be a better student next semester if I'm going to keep my Presidential Scholarship for next year. I need that thing, and I have to have at least a 3.3 cumulative GPA to maintain it. I mean, it is 3/4 of my tuition.
Good thing I'm saving thousands of dollars by being an RA.
I have 6 tests in the next 5 days. One every day, with 2 on Friday. Gahhhh.
At least they're all at 1:00pm, except for one at 8:00am on Friday.
Schedule:
-Monday - Pharmaceutics
-Tuesday - Communications
-Wednesday - Biochemistry
-Thursday - Calculations
-Friday - Health Systems & Patient Safety, Top 100 Drugs
By "Top 100 Drugs," I mean that I have to have 100 drugs memorized. This includes all brand names, generic names, and pharmacologic classes. Woot!
But Friday at 3:00pm, I will be done. I will have survived my first semester of pharmacy school, managing to get all A's and B's. My GPA might take a slight hit with the potential 3 B's, but I know for a fact that I'm going to get an A in Communications, and in HSPS too (if I miss less than 9 on the final). B's are possible/likely for Pharmaceutics, Biochemistry, and Calculations. I'll be okay this semester, but I really need to be a better student next semester if I'm going to keep my Presidential Scholarship for next year. I need that thing, and I have to have at least a 3.3 cumulative GPA to maintain it. I mean, it is 3/4 of my tuition.
Good thing I'm saving thousands of dollars by being an RA.
Friday, December 10, 2010
I thought I could live in your arms
Why does Mayday Parade know exactly how I feel?
Every time my heart hurts for someone, their music is the only thing I need. Every song has a line that's completely applicable to how I feel right now.
A hug. I needs it.
Every time my heart hurts for someone, their music is the only thing I need. Every song has a line that's completely applicable to how I feel right now.
A hug. I needs it.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I can live without you, but...
...without you I'll be miserable at best.
I don't even know what to say. I just know that I'm really happy when I'm with you, and the only thing I want when I'm not with you is to talk to you.
Usually, I start liking someone because a) someone suggested that he would be a good match for me, or b) it would just make sense for us to be together. You're different, though. I am genuinely falling for you.
Hard.
Fast.
Too soon.
I want soooo badly to say this to your face, for it to be like the movies - where I would pour my heart out, then I would think you didn't like me, then you would just pull me toward you and kiss me. But this isn't a movie, and I don't have the strength to be open about things like this anymore. At least not with you. I haven't even told other people - they've figured it out. And I just want them to tell you, and for you to feel the same, and for us to be happy together.
Come find me?
I don't even know what to say. I just know that I'm really happy when I'm with you, and the only thing I want when I'm not with you is to talk to you.
Usually, I start liking someone because a) someone suggested that he would be a good match for me, or b) it would just make sense for us to be together. You're different, though. I am genuinely falling for you.
Hard.
Fast.
Too soon.
I want soooo badly to say this to your face, for it to be like the movies - where I would pour my heart out, then I would think you didn't like me, then you would just pull me toward you and kiss me. But this isn't a movie, and I don't have the strength to be open about things like this anymore. At least not with you. I haven't even told other people - they've figured it out. And I just want them to tell you, and for you to feel the same, and for us to be happy together.
Come find me?
Monday, December 6, 2010
Baby, it's cold outside
Yayayayayayayay! I love Christmas music SO much. I love Glee. And I absolutely ADORE the combination!
I can't get enough of this album. "Baby It's Cold Outside" is my favorite winter song, and "O Holy Night" is my favorite Christmas song. I love love love love love love the Glee cast's versions!
Honestly, I think "Baby It's Cold Outside" is just a sexy song. I want to dance to it with somebody.
Actually, I just always want to dance with somebody. Not just dance by myself in the same room as somebody. I want to dance close to someone, feel his body against mine, let our hands wander. Gahhhh.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Teenage Dream
"Let's just talk all through the night...there's no need to rush."
"When you're around me, life's like a movie scene. I wasn't happy until you became my queen. I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece...I'm complete."
"Let you rest your head on me if that's what you need in this teenage dream tonight."
Video found here.
I love this version soooo much. Teenage Dream is one of my favorite songs, but this remake has really enhanced it.
This. This is what I want. I want to talk all through the night with you, revealing secrets and fears and dreams. I want to rest my head on your shoulder. I want you, forever and ever.
Please?
"When you're around me, life's like a movie scene. I wasn't happy until you became my queen. I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece...I'm complete."
"Let you rest your head on me if that's what you need in this teenage dream tonight."
Video found here.
I love this version soooo much. Teenage Dream is one of my favorite songs, but this remake has really enhanced it.
This. This is what I want. I want to talk all through the night with you, revealing secrets and fears and dreams. I want to rest my head on your shoulder. I want you, forever and ever.
Please?
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Fecal Findings in the Ali-vator
It's National Hug Your RA Day.
And you know what I got for it?
I got to deal with a displaced shoulder from "falling out of bed," remove a pizza box with shit in it from an elevator, and check on 8 girls who were stuck in a different elevator.
You know what I DIDN'T get for it?
A hug from a resident. :(
Props to Bill for the title of this post.
And you know what I got for it?
I got to deal with a displaced shoulder from "falling out of bed," remove a pizza box with shit in it from an elevator, and check on 8 girls who were stuck in a different elevator.
You know what I DIDN'T get for it?
A hug from a resident. :(
Props to Bill for the title of this post.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Decemberists
No, I don't know much by them. I just thought it would be an appropriate title for the first day of December. :)
So the other night was Christmas at Creighton, and then it snowed the whole next day! Lovely ♥
Creighton lost against BYU tonight, which was to be expected. It was still a fun game, though! I went with some very dear friends and saw some other ones. Great night.
Now, though, it's time to study medical terminology. 175 terms, 44 questions on the test next Tuesday. Woot woot!
So the other night was Christmas at Creighton, and then it snowed the whole next day! Lovely ♥
Creighton lost against BYU tonight, which was to be expected. It was still a fun game, though! I went with some very dear friends and saw some other ones. Great night.
Now, though, it's time to study medical terminology. 175 terms, 44 questions on the test next Tuesday. Woot woot!
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