End of the year (preview)

Okay, so I really should NOT be typing this right now...I should be typing my take-home-final-essay thing for Philosophy, but I don't want to. It's about the meaning of life, and I don't know what it is. Ryan says it's cookies, but I'm not sure he's right about that.

So...it's the end of the year. The last seven days of my freshman year of college. That is insane! I can't believe it! Last year at this time I was still filling out scholarship applications and waiting on acceptance letters, and now I know my schedule for next year and who I'm going to buy my books from, and hosting girls who are in the same place I was a year ago. That sentence didn't really make sense...I mean, high school seniors have been coming lately to stay on campus for a night, and I have hosted four girls. One is for sure coming to Creighton, and I am super glad for that. She was really cool. Hopefully the other three liked it enough to come here too!

Okay. That's enough for now. More later, maybe Friday. Maybe not. I don't know. Maybe in a week, when I finally have nothing to do! WOOOT! Til then, hugs!

Philosophy and other such things

I'm avoiding reading the chapter I'm supposed to read for philosophy tomorrow, even though I really need to because Dr. Stephens will most likely quiz us on it...but I just don't want to right now. I don't really want to do anything, even sleep. I have a bunch of homework I could be working ahead on...I just have no motivation to do it! Oh well...I probably should do that.

Seeing as I don't have Facebook anymore, I should have a lot more free time. I can't believe how much time I spent on that site! Even when I wasn't doing anything on it, I would just hit the "Home" button every few seconds just to see if anything happened. And now I find myself doing that with Twitter -- I'm addicted! I have found a bunch of people to follow in the past few days, including Dave of The Fray, Switchfoot, Jason Mraz, and (I think) Teddy Geiger. But I'm not sure that it's really him. I hope so! Anyway, I get caught up refreshing the page every couple of minutes, waiting for something to change, and it doesn't much. I really want to gain more followers, so I probably shouldn't have my updates protected, but I don't want to have those people who try to follow every single person on Twitter as my followers. So I don't share my updates with everyone. If you have Twitter and would like to follow me/have me follow you, please let me know what your user name is! :) http://twitter.com/alijog

So I should probably do my homework...ugggghhhh. :S So much to do, so little motivation! Love you all.

I don't want to be here...

I don't. I don't want to face them, I don't want to address this...I just want it to be summer. Only three and a half weeks, and I'll home, and it'll be summer, and I'll be around people who I KNOW don't talk behind my back. Here, though...I'm not so sure. But until then, I don't want to deal with this. I deactivated my Facebook for that reason. No, I didn't block you, I just decided I didn't want to deal with it, so I deactivated. I'll reactivate in the summer, but not before then. Maybe then all this will wash away and I won't have to face you again.

I realize that what I did was stupid and immature, and I'm truly sorry I let myself do that. But what you don't seem to realize is that it wasn't something little to me. It was my best friend telling me I wasn't good enough for her, and that's the worst way to hurt me. It's what I fear most about any friendship -- not being good enough. So thank you for pushing it into my face how much better you are at all things than I am, but I'd rather not listen anymore. Therefore I removed myself from the situation and not letting myself stoop as low as I did ever again. This is the last of it. I give up...not to say you win, just that I give up. It's not worth fighting for anymore. I don't think you were the type of friends I really wanted in the first place.

So. Now that that's done...I'm moving on. I'm going to focus on my studying these next three weeks, and I'm going to fully prepare myself for everything (academically speaking). It's going to be a hell of a lot of work, but now that I don't have Facebook to distract me, it shouldn't be as difficult as it was. Now I just have to stay off of Twitter a little more. :S haha

That's what's going on with me. I haven't written my novel in waaaaaaaay too long...but I just don't have time. I got my Honors paper done a little bit ago, and then I have my Bio paper due Wednesday, and World Lit paper due next Tuesday. And my World Lit project...hmmm...I need inspiration for that. I've got a good idea, I just need to find a way to really tie it to the class. Oh well...I'll figure it out.

I had a pretty good Easter break...spent 3 of the 4 evenings with Ryan. :D That's always fun...well, not always, seeing as we had one of our relationship talks again...how it works and why we're okay with it being so unusual and him reassuring me that it's okay that I'm not perfect and me crying and blah blah blah. But that was only one night, so we're good for a while. :) We watched "A Beautiful Mind" which I've never seen in its entirety before, and I absolutely LOVED it. John Nash reminds me of Ryan...I wonder if my boyfriend is schizophrenic...:S lol...


And then tonight for CU Dems we watched "Milk" and ate nachos from Q'doba, which were delish! And the movie was one of the best I've ever seen, honestly. I'm not gay, but it made me want to be a gay rights activist of the 70's! :D My parents were married in 1978, the year everything really happened for Harvey Milk (including his assassination). Odd to think about my parents being the age of a lot of those activists.


I'm starting this new optimism thing, just to try it out. I'll let you know how it works. ;)

I think I like today...

Hey, so it's been awhile...a little more than a week, and I feel like it's been months. Maybe it's just me...I've been going through so many emotions and events lately that it feels like I haven't blogged in years. But I'm here and in a good mood now, so it's okay.

I've finally started listening to my music again...it's weird, but as much as music helps me (it's like therapy, which btw is also helping), I haven't wanted to listen to it in the past few weeks. I'm not sure why. I guess I just didn't want to feel relieved or happy. Idk. But I've been listening again for the past three days straight, and I'm glad. I like to turn my iPod or iTunes to the "Alternative & Punk" genre, which contains most of my favorite bands, and just shuffle all 264 songs on it. It includes: The All-American Rejects, Sum 41, 3 Doors Down, Blink-182, Box Car Racer, Better Than Ezra (only one album), Angels and Airwaves, Hawthorne Heights, Linkin Park (one album), Lifehouse (their first album), Switchfoot (one album), Simple Plan, Third Eye Blind, +44, and Matchbox 20. I love that genre. It's like a never-ending playlist of some of my favorite songs. Today my song is Angels and Airwaves' "Good Day."
I think I like today...I think it's good...it's something I can't get my head around.
It's been a good day, too. I think that's why I've been wanting to listen to that today. The weather is gorgeous (finally, after snowing on Sunday), I know I did well on my Philosophy test, I didn't have Chem Lab today, and Easter break starts tomorrow (so I get to go home - yay Jesuit colleges!). So it's definitely a good day.

Just so you know, I'm probably not going to ever forgive you. It doesn't seem like you really care whether I do or not (you don't act like it), and I know I told you I was willing to forgive and forget, but that's not true anymore. You hurt me deeply, and now I've found out that you have lied to me about a lot of different things, so I'm not sure I can trust anything you've ever said to me. I just want you to know that.