I just can't this right now.

I can't this.

I'm trying to escape in happy memories and Harry Potter books, in work and in thoughts of home on Wednesday. But I can't. I can't shut out the hateful words, I can't block them from my memory. I can't deal with name-calling and I can't deal with words being put in my mouth when I never said them (and never would).


I can't cry because I'm at the front desk, working with a girl I hardly know and there are priests and seminarians everywhere. I can't cry because you're not here and there are other people moving into your room, because you're in Florida and I'm so happy you're there and I hope you are too. So I can't need you here right now because that's not fair.


But damn it, I do.