Monday, May 30, 2011

In a romantic mood tonight

...but then again, when am I not?


  • Pride and Prejudice playing on my tv
  • champagne-colored nail polish
    • TOTES wearing this for Lauren's wedding
  • probs ending this calm evening with a little Pablo Neruda
  • this movie has one of the best soundtracks I've heard
    • especially "Dawn"
Also, I happen to be surrounded by young, single men. And they're all pre-priests. Greeeat.

Wait what?

Uhh...no comprendo.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I think I need a good things list right now


  • Started out the day with some awesome people at the Omaha Heritage Festival...interesting to say the least.
  • Got a little sun! :) Thank goodness for SPF 15 makeup, otherwise it'd be a lot worse.
  • Saw Andrea for a little bit - I miss my Kiewit staff friends with a ridiculous amount of missingness, so it was really great getting to chat with her.
  • Went through a tonnn of pictures to find the ones I needed to print. Such great memories.
  • Baaaaaseballlllllll game - MVC champions! #rolljays
  • Got the attention I needed - less than what I was really hoping for, but that's okay.
  • Working on a care package for Patrick. :)
  • Feelings validated by Tumblr - sometimes it's okay to be a stupid girl.
  • My first experience with Red Mango! Yummmm
  • The Prince and Me on TBS 
  • HP and the Chamber of Secrets to finish the evening.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Man in the Moon

I will see you in the moon,
and you can find me in the stars.
In the violet dusk on the horizon
over the ocean in front of you,
I'm there, refusing to be
swallowed by the city lights.
I found my glimmer in you
and my twinkle in your eyes.
Speak to me, man in the moon,
and I'll wait here in the night.
I'm listening for you,
glistening for you,
and you can find me in the stars.

For two very special men on two very different coasts. Miss you so much.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Party in your bedroom


I'm loving my roomba for the summer. I've got bunkbeds AND an armchair. YES. Next to come are white Christmas lights and some framed pictures!

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Unwritten - W.S. Merwin

Inside this pencil
crouch words that have never been written
never been spoken
never been taught

they're hiding

they're awake in there
dark in the dark
hearing us
but they won't come out
not for love not for time not for fire
even when the dark has worn away
they'll still be there
hiding in the air
multitudes in days to come may walk through them
breathe them
be none the wiser
what script can it be
that they won't unroll
in what language
would I recognize it
would I be able to follow it
to make out the real names
of everything

maybe there aren't
many
it could be that there's only one word
and it's all we need
it's here in this pencil

every pencil in the world
is like this

For my fellow writers, especially those who are just beginning.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Home is wherever I'm with you

Things I'm loving about home so far:

1. I can take a baaaath here.
2. I've read a hundred pages of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone tonight.
3. My parents and I had a good conversation over dinner.
4. I didn't have to pay for my dinner. ;)
5. I'm snuggled under my quilt reading, it's only 11:00 and I'm tired, and I can sleep in tomorrow.
6. I get to see some truly wonderful friends tomorrow.
7. I didn't have to buy my own groceries.
8. My parents are on a good spell, it seems. It's always nice when I don't have to be stuck in the middle of a pointless argument.
9. I get to see a bunch of my extended family on Sunday.
10. Although there's still an air of not really belonging here, I'm glad I am. It's not so frustrating this time.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

You've been on my mind


Good things list:
  • Bike ride tonight, to Iowa and back.
    • My leg muscles seem to have remembered they exist.
    • I will be extremely sore when I get up in the morning.
  • An "I miss you" text that I really needed.
    • PS - I miss you right back, and I can't wait to send you the package I'm planning.
  • Made it to Scooter's with 10 minutes to spare before it closed.
  • Wonderful time spent back at the Kiewit desk with Lance.
    • His fambam is basically awesome. :)
  • Can finally send in my RSVP for the wedding!
    • (because now I know who's coming to it with me)
  • Wishing Elane's and my schedules could not be polar opposites for just one evening.
  • Back to living in Swanson!
    • But I do really miss Kiewit...
  • Going home this weekend.
    • Seeing the mama, the papa, the bffs, and the extended fambam!
  • So many tears in the last couple weeks.
    • Yes, that is a good thing.
    • It means I was moved or that I really truly love the people in my life (and miss them a ton).

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I just wanna be alone with your smile

2 things:

  • That damn dream I had this morning. It was the first one about you in months. You were standing there, holding the hand of a girl who was taller, skinnier, and had darker red hair than me. In the beginning, your hair seemed like you cut it, but then I realized it was longer than ever. You were so self-absorbed that you didn't even notice me.
  • Seeing lyrics from Blink-182's "M+M's" on Tumblr. It took me back to that time when we just sat in your car and you played it for me, telling me to listen to all the lyrics. All I wanted was to buy some candy (but not cigarettes) and drive to Madagascar with you. And I thought of how those are your favorite candy, and how I bought you that 42-ounce bag of them when I left for school so you'd eat them at work and think of me.
So I played it, and Dammit came on next, and why does every Blink-182 song have to be about you? Why did I have to start listening to your favorite band so much that I can still remember all the words, even though I haven't listened to them in a year and a half? And then there was Feeling This, and I could remember singing harmony with you in the car, and how you played Down and I didn't really understand it.

And it's not that I miss you, it's that I wish you would have tried harder. Because then I wouldn't be crying about nostalgia, I'd be crying about how I'm going to be in Omaha and you're going to be in Texas for the summer, but I wouldn't be alone tonight because you're not leaving for another couple of weeks.

And I just want to know what makes you smile now and if it still hurts to think about that night, whether you thought about coming after me when I left, and why you never called. And if you talked to your mom or your grandma or your brothers and what they said about me and what if I had gone to your grandma's wedding last summer? How the smell of the Garnier Fructis in my hair doesn't remind me of yours anymore, it's just how my hair smells now.

And how I just want to prove to you how much better off I am without you pulling me down all the time and how you hated my friends and how I hated that you hate everyone. And how you ruined Christmas for me that year and never wanted to introduce me to your family and how I never understood that.

And how I wish you'd call, still. That you'd want to apologize and show me how you've changed and become a better person. And how I'd pretend not to know who was calling because I deleted your number but can still remember it immediately when I think about it. And how I try not to think about it, but suddenly it's there, just like the way you'd roll your eyes when you were being ridiculous and how much I loved your real smile and how rarely I saw it because you were never happy, just content. And how I couldn't handle just being content and just wanted to make you happy but never could and how I drove myself crazy with that.

And how you had such an amazing smile.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

I can't remember the song I wanted to use as the title of this post and it's driving me nuts.


There are words colliding in my head
like strangely shaped stones
with sharp spikes and rounded curves.
I want to hurl them at you in screams
or offer them in a whisper
so you can barely hear them.
I tried to write them away,
but those words are still
trapped in my mind, jumbled and
thunking against my skull.
So I melted them and
poured them out of my eyes
to the one who already knows them by heart
and knows he can’t do anything
but try to catch them.